A family is something that will always have your back, they will be there for you. But what if that same family that is supposed to make you stronger, makes you feel low and devalued. Follow this article to learn about how to deal with family members that disrespect you and what to do when it’s time to break up with a family member.
A family is the most trustworthy bond any individual has. They always have your back, they will support you, and they will be there for you in your good and bad times. Whenever you need someone, you know that you can always count on them. But what if that same family is the reason you feel down. The same family members who were supposed to bring out the best in you, now bring out the worst in you.
The constant comparison and nagging will make you hate your own family member. You will feel burdened with them. A family is supposed to be your rock but when your family members start disrespecting you then, you will try to run away from them. Every minute will feel like a year around them. Disrespect will lead to feelings of hate and frustration.
Follow this article to learn more about how to deal with family members that disrespect you and what to do when it is time to break up with a family member.
Table of Contents
How to deal with family members that disrespect you?
Your relationship with your family members is a natural bond, you do not make them on your own, they are there for you and every relation is unique and beautiful. But disrespect and hatred can easily turn this beautiful relation into a nightmare. Following are some tips on how to deal with family members that disrespect you.
- Set boundaries
- Give yourself compassion
- Weigh your options
- Consider working it out
- Do not go anywhere that drains your energy
- Avoid the family member if you can
- Confront them in private
- Identify your triggers
- Be firm
- Take a break from the situation
- Keep your distance
- Safeguard your mental health
- Take responsibility for what you say and do
- Avoid arguing with them
- Do not share anything with them
- Shine brightly and ignore them
- Understand that you cannot change a person
- Understand that your self respect is not a joke
- Do not expect anything
- Do not force your point
- You are not responsible for their actions
- Stay focused in your response
- Realize that not every topic is worth debate
Boundaries are extremely important in any relationship. Whether you are talking about a husband/wife relationship or relationship between family members. Having boundaries will keep your private life away from everyone. Especially if you have to live with a family member who is disrespectful then, you must set your boundaries. This way they will not be able to interfere in your personal matters.
Give yourself compassion:
Loving yourself and being respectful towards yourself is the most important thing. Be kind to yourself and never compromise on your respect. Stand up for what is right. Do not listen to anyone who devalues you and disrespects you. So no matter what happens, never stop being kind to yourself.
Weigh your options:
Evaluate carefully that if being in a relationship with someone who disrespects you is ever going to change. Weigh your options and see if the situation is ever going to be in your favor. This will give you a clear idea about what you should and shouldn’t do.
Consider working it out:
One of the best things to do in any relationship is to work things out. Try to work things out and see if the other person is willing to move on or not. Talk to them and understand their side of the story. Clear any misunderstanding between the two of you. But this is only possible if the other person is also willing to change. You cannot turn the situation all on your own.
Do not go anywhere that drains your energy:
Get away from any place that is not healthy for you, emotionally and mentally. Never be a part of any space where you are not respected. Get away from people who constantly compare you and devalue you. Know your worth and realize that sometimes getting away from some people is the only and best solution.
Avoid the family member if you can:
If it is possible then, avoid the family member who disrespects you. Try to maintain your distance from them, understand that they are not worth your time and energy. If they constantly try to pick a fight with you and they always bring you down then, it is best to avoid them so you can also avoid any drama at a family gathering.
Confront them in private:
To avoid any drama and fight, confront the family member in private. Talk to them and tell them how you did not like their behavior towards them. Make them understand your point of view and also listen to their point of view patiently. This way you will be able to talk things out without getting into any big fight, but it is only possible if the other person is willing to listen to you and understand what you are saying.
Identify your triggers:
Identify your triggers, never share anything with them that might be the cause of your outrage. You have to understand that sharing something personal with someone who always devalues you will be extremely bad for you. They will use those triggers against you and always try to bring you down by saying the exact same thing.
Always take a stand for yourself. Stand firm on your ground and never let anyone devalue you or disrespect you. Stand for what is right, avoid the person who is constantly trying to disrespect you, and when it gets too much then confront them in private. But never compromise on your self respect, always remember that if you are not going to respect yourself then, no one else is going to do that for you.
Take a break from the situation:
When the situation gets out of hand then, take a break. Get away from all the negative energy that is around you. Go on a vacation, spend some time alone, and enjoy all the good and positive things that life has to offer.
Keep your distance:
You know who brings out the best in you and who will bring out the worst in you. Understand that when someone is constantly bringing out the negative in you, someone who is constantly disrespecting you then, you must keep your distance from them. If that person is your family member then, it might be difficult for you but to keep your sanity intact, you must keep your distance from that family member.
Safeguard your mental health:
For you, your mental health should be your first priority. When you are living with a family member who constantly compares you and disrespects you then, the best thing to do, if you want to safeguard your mental health then, the best thing you can do is get some professional help.
Take responsibility for what you say and do:
You must take responsibility for what you say and do. Never go back from what you said and stand firm. If you are retaliating to them in some way then, you have to be responsible for what you say or what you do. Stand for what is right and never back down from your responsibility.
Relocating is the best option if the situation is worsening day by day. Get away from the person who disrespects you and devalues you. This is the best thing you can do to keep your sanity intact. Understand that sometimes you cannot change a person or a situation no matter how hard you try. Because saving a relationship also depends on the other person, you cannot do everything alone. So if the other person is not ready to move on then, you must relocate.
Avoid arguing with them:
You have to understand that you cannot argue with everyone. Not everyone will understand you and listen to you. A family member who is being nothing but disrespectful towards you will never understand what you are trying to say and will never understand your point of view. So do not waste your energy and do not argue with them. You have to realize that some people are not worth it.
Do not share anything with them:
It is natural that you are close to your family and you share every news with them but you have to understand that when a family member is devaluing you every chance they get then, you must not share anything with them because they do not care about you. They do not care if something good is happening in your life or not. Because for them you are just someone in the family whom they can disrespect.
Shine brightly and ignore them:
The best answer you can give someone is with your success. A family member who disrespects you and devalues you does not do that out of love, instead they do it because they are jealous of you and they are insecure. Ignore them and focus on yourself, your success will answer back to each and every disrespect they throw your way.
Understand that you cannot change a person:
This is the most important thing for you to know, you have to understand that you are not responsible for everything that your family member does. You tried being reasonable with them, you tried talking to them and avoiding them, but now the situation is getting out of hand. It is best for you to understand that you cannot change your family member. You have tried being patient with them but it is not in the books for your relationship to work with them.
Understand that your self respect is not a joke:
Most of the time a person will try to hide their disrespect in humor and if you confront them about it then, they will say that it was just a joke. You have to understand that your self respect is not a joke. If you are not liking their joke then, talk to them and share your feelings, at first give them the benefit of the doubt. But if they continue disrespecting you then, it means they are doing it deliberately. This is your sign to walk away from them.
Do not expect anything:
Never expect something good from a person who constantly devalues you and disrespects you. They will never acknowledge your feelings, for them the only thing that matters is putting you down in front of everyone and they will never miss a chance to do that. So if you think that they are not going to say anything negative about any incident that might have happened with you then, you are wrong.
Do not force your point:
You have to understand that you cannot force your point of view on them. They already have a story prepared in their mind, they believe what they want to. So do not waste your energy by clearing your point of view in front of them over and over again. If they were being reasonable then they would have listened to you for the first time.
You are not responsible for their actions:
No matter what they say, you are not responsible for their actions. If something bad happens then, they bring this on themselves. You tried to be reasonable with them. You tried talking to them in private but they did not even once listen to you. So stop blaming yourself and stop listening to people who blame you.
Stay focused in your response:
Stay firm in your response, you are standing up for yourself and there is no harm in that. Do not compromise on your self respect, if you think that your family member is not going to rectify their mistakes and apologize to you then, get away from that situation as soon as possible.
Realize that not every topic is worth debate:
You have to realize that not every topic is worth your time and energy and it also depends on with whom you are talking to. A person who is always disrespecting you and devaluing you will never believe in a healthy argument, they will always try to make you feel low whenever you are talking to them. This is not worth your time and mental health. Be kind to yourself and let them be.
What to do when it is time to break up with a family member?
It is not easy breaking up your relationship with a family member but when things go out of hand, it is time to let go of the toxicity. You have to understand that you tried your best to be civil with them but they were not ready to listen to anything. Following are some of the things you should consider when it is time to break up with a family member.
- Expect a ripple effect
- Give yourself the permission to grieve
- Lean into your support system
- Drop all the excuses
- Let go of your need for an apology
- Cut the cord
Expect a ripple effect:
When you are cutting ties with one of your family member’s then, it is natural that your whole family is going to have a reaction. You might have to listen to many people who will tell you to give this relationship a second chance but you must not give up because you already gave that person multiple chances.
Give yourself the permission to grieve:
You just ended your relationship with a family member, you are allowed to feel grief. You might feel guilty and it is absolutely okay. You are human and you are allowed to feel all of these emotions. Give yourself some time and space, everything is going to be okay.
Lean into your support system:
It is not an easy time for you, you broke every last string between you and your family member, it is okay to look for support from a third person. Lean into your support system, share your feelings with the person you trust and love. Tell them each and everything, this way you will feel light and it will put you in a better mood.
Drop all the excuses:
Drop each and every excuse that you were making whenever they were being disrespectful towards you. They are responsible for their actions, for the longest time you tried being reasonable with them but nothing worked. Now you have to let go of this relationship for the sake of your sanity.
Let go of your need for an apology:
For the longest time you kept on forgiving them, they made all sorts of excuses, even other family members intervened to create some peace between you two. But now this has to stop. Let go of your need for an apology, when you are breaking up with them for good then, you do not need their apologies. You are good without them.
Cut the cord:
Cut every string between you and your family member. Realize that for the longest time you tried to put up with them and their disrespect, but now enough is enough. Cut off every last string between you two, it is not easy but it is necessary.
It is not easy to break your relationship with a family member, but when your relationship gives you nothing but disrespect then, it is necessary. Cutting off your ties with a family member is easier said than done because the rest of the family is not going to sit down quietly. Everyone will try to come in between you two so they can mend this relationship but you have to realize that this relationship is too broken to be mended.
Respect is the most important element of any relationship and where there is no respect, there is no relationship. You must cut the cord between you two because the other person will never change and it is not your responsibility to change them. They are grown adults, they are responsible for their actions.