Borderline Personality Disorder – BPD is a mental illness in which a person is unable to control their emotions. This can affect their mental and physical health and their relationships. Follow this article to explore more about the stages of a BPD relationship and how BPD relationships finally end.
Borderline Personality Disorder which is also known as BPD is a mental disorder that creates imbalance in a person’s emotional range and makes a person more impulsive and restless. A person who has BPD will face extreme mood swings, every emotion that they feel will be on an extreme level. Whether they are happy, sad, hurt, excited, jealous, or guilty. Every emotion will be extreme and they will have no control over them.
A person who has been diagnosed with BPD will have a hard time in having a stable and healthy relationship. They will face more problems in their relationship than any normal person. Their constant mood swings will make their partner feel neglected and devalued. Also, if their BPD gets out of control and is not treated properly then, it can lead to substance or physical abuse.
Follow this article to explore the different types of BPD and how BPD relationships finally end.
Table of Contents
What are the symptoms of BPD?
Although there are no confirmed symptoms of BPD and the symptoms are different for different people. But the healthcare professionals have made a list of the following symptoms of BPD. These are the common symptoms but their intensity might differ from person to person.
- Abandonment issues
- Unclear self image
- Impulsive behavior
- Anger issues
- Unstable relationships
- Extreme mood swings
- Self harm
- They are always suspicious
Abandonment issues:
A person who has BPD will always have a fear that people are going to leave them. Just because of this issue they will start neglecting their loved ones, this is because they do not want to get hurt after someone leaves them. Their fear of being abandoned will cause them to isolate themselves. They will isolate themselves to avoid rejection.
Unclear self image
Anyone who is diagnosed with BPD will always be on an emotional roller coaster. Their emotions will be all over the place due to which they will have an unclear self image. They will keep on changing their decisions and they will face extreme mood swings which might result in them sabotaging their own success.
Impulsive behavior:
A person who is dealing with BPD will face extreme mood swings. One minute they will be happy and the next moment they will be angry. Also, their emotional range will be extreme, that means every emotion will be on an extreme level. This will result in them behaving impulsively. They will make rash decisions in the heat of the moment and they might regret them later. Their impulsive behavior can also land them in legal trouble or they can get seriously hurt.
Anger issues:
Anyone who has been diagnosed with BPD will face extreme anger issues. Their mood swings will be the main reason for their anger issues. Most of the time people around them walk on eggshells just so they don’t do anything that might trigger their anger. If their anger issues are getting destructive then, they need professional help because their BPD is getting worse day by day.
Unstable relationships:
A person who has been diagnosed with BPD will have a hard time while maintaining a stable and healthy relationship. Their mood swings and emotional unavailability will make it hard for them to have a relationship. Their partner will feel neglected and devalued. If their BPD is getting worse than it can also be destructive for their partner as well. There is a possibility that they abuse their partner when their BPD is triggered.
Extreme mood swings:
It is also a symptom of a person having BPD. A person will experience extreme mood swings. Every emotion will be on an extreme level and they will flip anytime and anywhere. One minute they will be happy and the next minute they will be extremely angry.
Self harm:
A person who has BPD might also try to harm themselves. There is a possibility that in one of the anger episodes things get destructive and they try to harm themselves. They will always keep themselves isolated in order to protect themselves from any pain and rejection. This isolation might give them thoughts of suicide or self harm.
They are always suspicious:
A person who has BPD will always be suspicious about others. They will always doubt the intentions of their friends and family towards them. They will have this fear in the back of their minds that everyone is going to leave them and they will be left alone.
What are the different types of BPD?
According to healthcare professionals, BPD is divided into the four main types. A person can be diagnosed with any one of them and its intensity will depend on the person himself. Following are the four main types of Borderline Personality Disorder.
- Discouraged BPD
- Impulsive BPD
- Petulant BPD
- Self destructive BPD
Discouraged BPD:
In this type of BPD a person has extremely low self esteem. They will constantly seek approval from others and they think that every person is going to leave them or reject them. In this type of BPD a person will constantly have suicidal thoughts because of their fear of rejection. They might start thinking that no one loves them and it will be better if they kill themselves.
Impulsive BPD:
A person who is diagnosed with impulsive BPD will face extreme emotions and they will experience extreme mood swings. They will be impulsive and hyperactive. In this type of BPD a person is most likely to make rash decisions which they might regret later once their high comes down.
Petulant BPD:
A person who is diagnosed with petulant BPD will be confused about their emotions and thoughts. They will have a hard time understanding anything and they will not know how to label their feelings. Most of the time they will appear confused and anxious because of their feelings. One minute they will be happy about the news and the next moment they will be sad about the same news.
Self destructive BPD:
This type of BPD is the one where a person has no control over their emotions. A person might look calm and normal but from the inside they will hate themselves. They will always think about their shortcomings and their mistakes. They will always compare themselves with others and this might develop thoughts of self hate and self harm in their minds.
What are the different stages of a BPD relationship?
It is not easy being in a relationship with someone who has BPD because of their instability. One minute a BPD patient will be romantic with you and in the next moment they might start doubting you. A person who has BPD will never be able to have a stable relationship, they will always be on and off with their partner. Following are the stages of a BPD relationship.
- Attraction
- Obsession
- Holding on and letting go
- Devaluation
- Break up
- Return and repair
- The cycle continues
Attraction:
Attraction is the first step for any relationship but A person who has BPD will always feel it more than others. They will strongly feel attracted to the other person, they will act like they have finally found the one. This type of attraction will soon lead them towards the next step of the relationship.
Obsession:
A person who has BPD will easily become obsessed with anything, whether it is a person or a thing. And when they are attracted to something then, they want it by hook or by crook. They will try to be around them all the time and they will have this constant urge to get their approval for everything. They will have no regard for the other person’s space because they will be only thinking about their love and attraction for them.
Holding on and letting go:
At this stage A person who has BPD will try to avoid the other person because they are afraid of getting hurt and rejected. They will keep on letting them go but because they are attracted to them and obsessed with them, it will not be possible for them to let them go completely. They will keep on going back to them because of their obsession.
Devaluation:
There is a high chance that A person who has BPD starts to devalue his/her partner. A person with BPD has some triggers and if by any chance their partner does something that triggered their BPD then, they will get extremely angry and in their anger they might devalue their partner. They will say things which they might regret later.
Break up:
It is not easy being in a relationship with someone who has BPD. Your relationship is never stable and healthy. You keep on going on and off. The devaluation and instability will eventually lead to a break up. But this can make the BPD patient more obsessive and angry. They will take this rejection to their heart and become destructive.
Return and repair:
When you are in a relationship with someone who has BPD then, you will be in a very unstable relationship. Your relationship will always be going on and off. It is not easy dealing with a partner who is obsessive and can change their mood in a second.
You will always walk on eggshells around them because you do not know what can trigger their BPD. When a person gets tired of the constant fights and obsession then, they will go for a break up. But there is a chance you come back to them when they reach out to you because you care about them. But once you are back together then, the cycle goes on.
The cycle continues:
When you get back together with your partner who has BPD after a break up then, you will continue the cycle. The entire process will repeat again. But this time there might be more manipulation involved because the person who has BPD will try anything to have you with them. You must understand that your relationship will never be stable and healthy if this continues.
How do BPD relationships finally end?
There are many factors that are responsible for ending a BPD relationship. But the most important thing is that your relationship was never stable. You kept on going on and off with your partner which resulted in your relationship finally ending at some point. Following are some factors that can make a BPD relationship finally end.
- Physical violence
- Victim card
- Verbal abuse
- They see everything in the wrong light
- Obsession even after the break up
Physical violence:
It is not easy being in a relationship with someone who has BPD because of the instability in their emotions. A person who has BPD will face extreme emotions. Which means, if they are angry at something then, there is a chance that their anger can be destructive and they might harm the other person who is with them. They might physically abuse their partner during their anger, which can end their relationship forever.
Victim card:
A person who has BPD will always try to cover up their mistakes. They will always try to make excuses for their behavior. They will always play the victim card and they will try to manipulate you into staying with them. They will brainwash you and keep on telling you how much they love you, they will do it to make you stay.
Verbal abuse:
A person who has BPD might start abusing their partner. When they are angry they will lose control of themselves and then, they might say things that they do not mean. Their anger will get the best of them and this might end their relationship with their partner.
They see everything in the wrong light:
When a person is diagnosed with BPD then, one of the symptoms is that they will always doubt others and they will think the worst of every situation. It is because of their emotional instability and low self esteem. So, it will be hard for them to have a relationship when they are always suspicious of their partner and they always doubt them. No matter how many times their partner tries to make them understand things, they will always see their intentions in the wrong light. This will lead to a break up eventually.
Obsession even after break up:
A person who has BPD will act obsessive even after their partner has broken up with them. They will try to persuade their partner to get back together with them as they are not ready to let them go. Being in a relationship with someone who has BPD is never easy as they have no control on their emotions and you must know that if you get back together with them then, the entire cycle will repeat itself.
Conclusion:
Being in a relationship with someone who has BPD is never easy because you do not know when their mood will change and you are constantly walking on eggshells around them because you don’t want their BPD to be triggered by anything. You will be there for them and care about them but it is not easy continuing your relationship with them. Time and again your patience will be tested. You might not be able to have a stable and healthy relationship like everyone else. Your relationship will keep on going on and off. A person who has BPD will have some set standards for their partner, if those needs are not met then, they might break things off with you.
Also, they might not completely open themselves with you because they always have this fear of rejection in the back of their mind. So, they might withdraw and withhold from the relationship. Even if you break up with them, they will continue their obsession with you. They might try to persuade you into getting back together with them. If you are getting back together with them then, you have to prepare yourself for the future. The best thing you can do is study about BPD and get them some professional help. Help them recognize their triggers and make them feel loved. This will eliminate any fear of rejection they have.
