If you’ve ever been lied to, you know how devastating it can be to your relationship. But how do you combat lies? How can you prevent them from ruining your relationship? And what happens if you are lied to? Should you stay with someone who’s lying to you or leave them? Read this article to get answers to your queries.
Lying is a serious problem in relationships. Lie after lie, the trust between two people starts to erode. When a relationship becomes so fragile that one partner feels the need to lie, it can be hard to rebuild trust.
If you want to prevent lying from destroying your relationship, it’s important to understand why people lie, how they lie, and how they recover from lying episodes.
Table of Contents
Why do men lie in relationships?
Now don’t fall in love with this one head over heels, but rather as a guy who is no longer ashamed of his own shortcomings and mistakes and has made it his life’s work to assist all men and contribute to the restoration of the man’s integrity. It’s time, in my opinion, to explain to women why exactly some guys lie.
All secrets are terrible secrets, especially if they can be destructive to the health and long-term stability of the relationship. I have learned over the years how vital it is to be completely honest with anybody you are in a relationship with.
I’m aware that many of us have been told it’s okay to keep some things from your partner or significant other; after all, who would want to love someone with so many flaws and mistakes in previous relationships? I regret to confess that this life lesson has cost me a lot of money that I spent trying to get back on track, not to mention countless sleepless nights.
Not to mention the terrible consequences that a woman’s deceived heart inevitably has when it is broken. Many guys will be able to identify with what I’m saying, or you may still be in denial and read this and tell yourself, “NO NEVER NOT ME.” Sexual impropriety may not usually result from lying. Lies betray women more on an emotional and spiritual level than any other because they are emotional beings.
Not to give someone a pass to lie, because lying is fundamentally CRAPPY and should never be done to anyone. Even though it appears that the truth is more harmful than a lie, at least the truth’s wound will mend properly. See, the wounds brought on by lies are similar to those left by a knife with a sharp edge. It continues to rip apart more pieces of one’s heart. As opposed to speaking the harsh, unforgiving truth that slashes once smoothly and quickly.
Even while both wounds hurt equally as much, the cut of truth is at least more surgical. in character and focuses on a single problem. As opposed to a lie, which holds on to everything in a person’s heart until it ultimately slips through the cracks of inner trust and always lands at the worst possible time, exposing the shame, guilt, and dishonesty you now carry.
Instead of simply accepting the initial emotional ass-whooping you/we deserve, lying always happens for us males at the very instant our act of deception is revealed. The lie seems to spring from our mouths like a supernatural defense mechanism.
Currently, the majority of guys sit there feeling hopelessly horrible and hope and pray that it (THE LIE) will simultaneously make your shameful and always useless deed disappear and keep the victim pleased. The truth is that you just walked into a plethora, or, maybe, a chasm, of unexplored immoral possibilities, which you will definitely take advantage of in a pitiful effort to repair the harm your idiotic mouth has just inflicted.
Consequently, the following three reasons I have discovered that men lie to the women they love are as follows.
Top 3 justifications men lie
1. Don’t Give A Damn Syndrome (D-GADS)
Those who are just with you exploit this moral sickness to drain you of all your resources. They’ll rob you of everything. They constantly nag you for things like cash, food, a place to sleep, your car, etc. This is different from a man who has sacrificed his own stability in order to be with you, but it is more similar to a man who will make no compromises in order to be his own man.
When caught, these males either attempt to shrug it off or brag about it to you, and since you are so in love with them, you allow them to treat you disrespectfully and continue to use you. Or the worst kind may physically attempt to intimidate you because the lie they told has caught up with them, and instead of accepting the punishment they deserve, they terrify you into staying off their backs when doing so is exactly what is required.
Many decent men just make poor choices because their egos, male influences, or tempers get the better of them. Furthermore, we do our damnedest to fix the problem as soon as feasible rather than instantly owning our humiliating lie. We never consider the possibility that, despite our best efforts, no one may have been harmed.
Lying is bad now and will always be wrong. I now live by the adage, “Hurt her with the truth for a day, or you’ll kill her with the lie every day.” Believe it or not, many excellent men battle throughout their whole lives to forgive themselves; as a result, even after receiving your forgiveness, they never completely recover or go on.
Sadly, we as good men only realize how precious, sensitive, and compassionate you really are after we mistakenly wounded you. We now consider ourselves as creatures unworthy of you and much more unworthy of happiness after seeing how caring and trusting you once were and how we misuse them.
We nice men can be quite hard on ourselves because we don’t want to unintentionally abuse or ignore the women who are so dear to us. The shame dynamic is also activated when we make a naive or uneducated claim that we assume to be true by popular opinion rather than actuality. Only to be shown to be shockingly clueless about the subject we so deeply and foolishly focused on. Men loathe guilt even more than you do, ladies, and it plays a big part in our relationship.
3. Napoleon complex
Some guys have a tendency to engage in what I like to refer to as the “game of one-ups” when they believe they are inferior to their lady in some way in front of their peers. Have you ever been in a group of people and seen one guy who always went above and beyond what everyone else was doing?
Therefore, the one-up reflex in some males can be brought on by feeling inferior. Ladies, even though you are aware that in some ways, you are simply superior to your man, if he lacks self-assurance, he will probably start to change right in front of your eyes. Ladies, please exercise modesty and avoid making (Mr. one upper) look awful.
Women in particular have spent years trying to justify why men lie so easily. Actually asking a man why he lies to the woman he loves is the greatest approach to learning the real answer.
How do you deal with the lie when you discover someone lied to you?
Let’s say you have reason to believe someone is lying or you find proof of it. How do you behave? The appropriate response can vary based on the gravity of the lying, your relationship with the individual, whether you have reason to believe the lie or concrete evidence, and the potential repercussions of confronting the liar to demonstrate your suspicion or knowledge of the truth.
Let’s say you’ve observed a pattern of behavior that points to lyings, like a shift in a person’s schedule or behavior. A viable solution is to confront the suspected liar with your mounting proof of lying and cheating if those shifts in behavior cause you to grow suspicious after initially believing the excuses.
But before you do, think about the possible repercussions of confronting the liar or dispelling the falsehood. For instance, doing so can result in remorse and put an end to the deceit, or it might prompt the liar to take additional steps to better hide the lie. The relationship can also end as a result of the altercation’s aftermath conflict.
Do you want to run the risk of getting into this argument? Because not everyone does, some people decide not to address a rumored falsehood. They have their suspicions, but they are hesitant to voice them publicly. They remain silent as long as the rumored affair is happening softly and discretely since they don’t want to upset their relationship.
They won’t feel degraded or embarrassed by what’s happening in this way. Sometimes, for the sake of any involved children, they believe that they would prefer to maintain the relationship than go through a split.
Another reason someone might not want to confront a rumored cheater or liar is if they believe they can change the situation or salvage their relationship. And sometimes, such activities can really make a difference since an affair gives a couple the chance to escape from their everyday realities when the honeymoon glow wears off.
Since the excitement of a fresh committed relationship naturally starts to fade over months or years of living together, cheating frequently occurs not because the person doesn’t love their partner any longer but because he or she loves the partner in a different way. To salvage the relationship, the cheating victim may occasionally come up with creative ways to spice things up or recapture the early magic of the beginning, either after discussing the affair or secretly.
A confrontation with the cheater often forces him or her to choose between the lover and the partner at a time when he or she is having the affair because he or she feels angry or trapped by the partner, which could result in a breakup the victim doesn’t really want. However, improving the relationship can be one positive outcome of bringing cheating to light.
Though victims frequently believe they will never be able to forgive or accept the person back, the cheater may want to restore the love in the relationship after being exposed. In some cases, forgiving the person is a way to do this.
One further reaction of some cheating victims is to believe that they, too, can commit the act, whether it be openly or in secret. Although some couples start out a relationship with such an agreement, having an open relationship may occasionally work for some couples.
This can happen when one partner learns that the other is having an affair. In either scenario, the partners are in agreement that as long as cheating is done covertly, no one will be humiliated by learning of an affair in public, they will accept it for each other. Or it can stop being a problem for the marriage as long as any public revelation passes.
Additionally, victims of lying and cheating occasionally put off a confrontation because they think the behavior will stop on its own, and this does occasionally occur. Therefore, rather than attempting to expose falsehood, it may occasionally be wiser to let it stand. The issue might then just disappear. There has indeed been a betrayal, but revealing the betrayal could make matters worse, thus in some circumstances, it may be preferable to remain silent and let the issue go away.
The character of the person lying and the nature of your relationship with them are other important factors to take into account. In PLAYING THE LYING GAME, I discuss what I refer to as the “continuum of lying,” in which individuals differ in their degree of honesty and the degree to which they embellish various details. Others with high scores are likely to lie regularly when they believe it is in their best benefit to do so, while some people tend to fall on the low end of the scale since they are generally honest.
So, depending on whether the lie is out of character, suggests a more serious betrayal, or is part of a pattern of frequent exaggeration and lying, you may react differently if you catch your partner in a lie. In the latter case, lying may seem less serious to you because you expect it to happen frequently.
For instance, if you marry someone who has been flirting and you want to reign them in but don’t, their lying and cheating may not have much of an emotional impact on them because it is already part of their behavior pattern.
In comparison, if you discover someone who has recently cheated, it may be more significant because often, the person’s emotional connection to their lover is what led them to stray. Because that’s just how they are, the individual in the first situation is more likely to be playing the field emotionally detached from their changing partners. So long as their partner or significant other is discreet, some partners learn to deal with that.
Whether you confront the person about the deception, investigate your suspicions further, or remain silent depends on the particular circumstance.
Before you confront your partner, gathering more evidence can sometimes be helpful because it will give you more time to think things through and will make you feel more confident. If you do decide to confront your partner, your partner will be more likely to admit the lie than to offer a different false explanation.
For instance, let’s say someone has reason to believe their partner is sneaking out the door at strange hours of the night to have a tryst. To check if the door is broken in the morning, he or she can run a small piece of thread across the lower portion of the door. They might also start to pay closer attention, in general, to determine if their suspicions are true, all the while keeping their spouse unaware that they are spying on them.
Nevertheless, you must be cautious to do such checking covertly because, whether or not your suspicions are correct, such checking might lead to other conflicts in the relationship if it is revealed. For instance, you would be violating someone’s privacy if you hired a private investigator or perused other people’s journals, diaries, and emails.
If you were caught, this could cause the relationship to fall apart even more than if your partner had initially cheated on you. Similar to the case where parents check their child’s journal because they think their youngster is using drugs, this circumstance involves parents.
The knowledge that one’s privacy has been violated, however, causes an even more dramatic blow-up and relationship breakdown than the possibility that the child is using drugs. Therefore, it is generally advised to refrain from such severe invasions of privacy to obtain evidence, such as employing someone to pursue a suspected liar.
In most cases, talking to the person in a non-confrontational manner to encourage an admission and dialogue is preferable to having a direct confrontation, which may make the other person defensive or attack back to place the blame for any relationship failure on you.
For instance, coming off as a cop or prosecutor when you say: “I’ve got these telephone records which prove who you were really calling,” makes the other person defensive. In contrast, if you approach the conversation in a generic, non-confrontational manner, you pave the ground for an open, sincere dialogue.
For instance, you might start a conversation over breakfast or supper by saying, “We haven’t been chatting much recently; perhaps we need to do something to rekindle the romance in our union.” Even better, avoid bringing up your suspicion that your partner has been having an extramarital affair.
Alternatively, you might gently elicit an admission from the other person by asking a pointed inquiry that is phrased in an objective manner, like this: “I’m aware that recent events haven’t been ideal for us, but I’d like to attempt to make things right. Do you have anything you’d like to share with me?”
In other words, if you want to expose the lie, do it in a way where you’re more tolerant and let your spouse take responsibility for the apology and the admission of what he or she wants to make. In this approach, you can talk about what’s wrong and what to do about it without getting angry or wounded because you remove the expression of those emotions from the conversation.
As a result, be open and responsive and establish a secure environment for the person to acknowledge the lie without you leaping all over them and demonizing them. You can urge someone to come forward and explain what’s going on and pave the way for the relationship to be repaired by being more accepting and forgiving.
Following the disclosure of the truth, what transpires depends on the relationship. If the relationship ends, there is a greater chance that you will do so with your partner’s respect and friendship intact. This is especially true if you have children or a business partnership that may continue even if your personal relationship does not.
Lying is a huge problem in relationships. It can destroy your relationship with someone you care about, and it can cause big problems for you as well.
Lies can be hard to deal with. It’s important to be able to recognize when someone is lying, but it’s even harder to deal with the consequences of those lies. You might find yourself feeling betrayed, or even angry at your partner for lying to you.
In order for your relationship to work, both people have to be honest and up-front about their feelings and experiences. If one person is always lying, it’s going to make things difficult for everyone involved!