Chances are you’ve never been to a sex expert. Most couples haven’t. But, these professionals are so knowledgeable about this crazy important aspect of our lives – there advice not only will help you have better sex, but eliminate the guilt, the embarrassment, and inspire confidence that so many of us need.
What’s even better, is these evangelists are passionate about passing on this information to others. To help them experience true fulfillment.
See what secrets they are dying to tell you:
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10. I Make My Own luck Passion
“If you haven’t figured it out by now, real sex lives aren’t usually filled with the same have-to-have-you-right-this-second spice that you see in romantic comedies. We love those plot lines too, but so many women think that kind of intense passion is something they’ll just stumble upon” says sex professional Brandy Engler, Ph.D., author of The Men On My Couch.
Engler says most women want spontaneous passion and desire, but they don’t realize that they can make their own passion. “No one is just walking around having passion all the time.” Your passion is just an expression of your emotions. So to have passion in bed, just tune into your emotions and bring them out in your relationship.
“Passion is an emotionally expressive person in bed,” says Engler. So whether you’re feeling excited, happy, or angry, let yourself feel those emotions during sex to keep it alive and present.
9. Experience – Need Not Apply
“There is no such thing as being advanced at sex,” says Levkoff. “It doesn’t make a difference how much experience you’ve had in the past.” We’ve got sex built into our DNA.
What matters is how you’re approaching the experience right now while you’re in between the sheets. Are you paying attention to your partner and listening to what they want. Then you’ve got the skills to have great sex. You can be an amazing lover, no matter how many partners you’ve had.
Women Do It Too
“It doesn’t have to be as taboo as some women were raised to believe,” says sex expert Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., an Indiana University research scientist and author of Sex Made Easy: Your Awkward Questions Answered for Better, Smarter, Amazing Sex.
She says that masturbating actually can help women better understand what feels good to them (because every lady is different) and how to climax more easily. Win-win, right? And don’t shy away from toys: “More than half of women and nearly half of men have used a vibrator at some point in their lives,” says Herbenick.
7. Sex Isn’t Perfect
“We have a tendency to believe that good partners magically get it right,” Logan Levkoff, Ph.D. and sex expert. “That good sex isn’t at all awkward and people magically know what to do with your body.” Well, that ain’t true.
Not only should sex be fun and playful, but it also should be structured into a perfect ideal image that we have in our heads. Those funny (and embarrassing) totally unplanned and real moments are what bring you closer together as a couple.
“You may not remember the strongest orgasm you’ve ever had, but you’ll remember the time you fell off the bed because you were so into it that you didn’t realize you were on the edge,” says Levkoff.
6. Think About It
“Sex isn’t just something you should think about when you’re having a lot of it,” says Levkoff. In fact, she says the easy way to boost your sex life is to give it more thought. “We often don’t think about who we are as sexual beings,” says Levkoff.
Pinpointing what you desire and what turns you on will help make sure you get the sex life you want when you’re ready for it. “Give yourself the freedom to really think about it and be honest, like ‘What would make that part of my life good and exciting?’ regardless of whether or not you’re in a relationship,” says Levkoff.
5. It’s Time to Open Up
No…not open up down there. Open up your heart and your desires. Believe it or not, when men see a sex therapist they aren’t complaining about you’re unwillingness to do some porn re-enactment or some crazy position.
“They’ll complain about no openness,” says Engler. She often hears men wondering why their partners don’t like certain things, why their spouse doesn’t want them to do something that seems “normal” to them. Overall they want an open attitude with their partner not fancy moves.
“It’s just the basic stuff and doing it enthusiastically,” says Engler.
4. Build It Up
Sex Experts agree that building up your self-confidence is critical for both of you to enjoy good sex. If either of you are self-conscious then your romping action will take a turn for the worst.
Experts agree one of the easiest ways to boost your ego is to flirt with each other throughout the day. Expert Kaylen Jackson says that flirting give you a “boost in self-confidence” and that boost makes you feel more attractive.
“The more attractive you feel the better your next sexual performance will be.”
3. It Doesn’t Matter What It Looks Like…Down There
The next time you’re embarrassed by what’s down there..and if it’s normal looking, remember this: “All women’s vulvas are a little bit different from each other and are considered beautiful and desirable by their partners,” says Herbenick.
“In our research, we’ve asked men and women who partner with women what they like about their partner’s genitals. They talk about big labia, little labia, various shades of colors, the way they smell and taste, how unique their partner’s is.” Basically, your lover loves your ya-ya no matter what it looks likes.
It’s perfect in his eyes.
2. Go For It
If you’re wanting to try something new, something fancy, something you’ve never done before. Engler says to just go for it. “What I often see is women being embarrassed. ‘What if he doesn’t think it’s sexy? What if it doesn’t work?’ The fear inhibits them to the point where they’re muted,” says Engler.
Everybody has those feelings, they’re totally normal, but they may be holding you back from the best sex of your life. Engler suggests starting with affirmations to help you separate the act from your partner’s reaction to it. “Like, ‘I have a right to be seen’ and ‘I am sexual,’” says Engler.
Then remind yourself that this is about expressing yourself and enjoying yourself.
Finally, just go for it—suggest a new position, take the reins in bed, or tell him about your fantasy. Chances are your partner will love this enthusiasm and it’ll be game on.” Guys love to know what would do it better for you.
It’s a win-win.
1. Painful Sex? Doesn’t Have To Be
If sex is hurting, don’t stay quiet about it – that’s the worst thing you can do. “Using lubricant, starting out gently, and engaging in sex that feels exciting and arousing—rather than like a chore—can help make sex feel better,” says Herbenick.
“If sex regularly feels uncomfortable or painful, ask your gynecologist or even your dermatologist to have a look. All kinds of things from pain conditions to allergies to skin disorders to low estrogen can cause painful sex.”
Your partner would want to know, don’t keep it to yourself and look for solutions to make it enjoyable for you both.
