When A Borderline Personality Disorder Ends A Relationship

Mental illnesses can destroy things at an astonishing rate. They wreck a person internally to such an extent that individuals are left helpless watching their world crumble right in front of them.

A lot of such mental illnesses are treatable but it requires a lot of patience and commitment from both the parties involved to make sure that one gets out of it by winning. People with mental illnesses face hurdles in every field of their life but the one area that gets hurt the most in such situations is the area of relationships. Relationships are extremely vulnerable and can be prey to damage and problems if issues persist.

In this detailed article, you will be able to get a firm grasp on dating a man with a borderline personality disorder, how to deal with a borderline personality disorder girlfriend, the borderline personality disorder relationship cycle, and the elements that can cause a relationship to come to an end.

What is BPD?

Borderline Personality disorder, BPD, is a mental illness that is most often found in women. The age group facing this health condition the most is teenagers and young adults. It is not a gender-specific mental illness but according to current statistics, women are victims of it more than men. Moving on, we will learn how to deal with borderline personality disorder girlfriend and a lot more.

People suffering from borderline personality disorder tend to have varying outlooks and patterns of reaction on many aspects of life such as self-image, relationships, behaviors, attitudes, etc. For such people, it can be simply defined as if their head is on a rollercoaster which is constantly spinning them around in circles leaving them filled with uncertainty.

In the past, treating borderline personality disorder had been very difficult and hence was done at an alarmingly low rate. Now, over the past few years, the treatment of BPD has become more common and is worked upon by a lot of professionals. It can be a long and challenging procedure but it is possible and there is hope for people suffering from BPD.

What Are The Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder?

Since it is a mental illness, it should not be taken lightly and disregarded. The following are some of the symptoms found in people suffering from borderline personality disorder. Take a look and try to see what jumps out at you. If you think this is something you might be falling prey to, then we suggest you go ahead and visit a professional to confirm it for yourself.

Don’t beat yourself up over it if you identify with a few of the symptoms. Self-diagnosis can leave you even more uncertain and unclear. The following are some of the traits that people suffering from BPD face on a huge level.

  1. Mood Swings
  2. Unstable Relationships
  3. Extreme Emotional Sensitivity
  4. Uncertainty About Self Image
  5. Feeling Hollow
  6. Fear of Abandonment
  7. Intense Anger Bursts
  8. Self Harm
  9. Impulsive Behaviour

Can A Borderline Fall In Love?

As mentioned earlier, people suffering from BPD have a lot of trouble when it comes to navigating relationships. From the symptoms given above, one can gauge how a lot of these when included in a relationship have the potential to cause both the parties involved a lot of stress and emotional strain. Coming back to the main question, can a borderline fall in love? Yes, these people can fall in love. The troubling matter here is the drastic change in their moods and behaviors which may lead to relationships falling apart.

These people fall in love quickly but these relationships are short-lived and don’t last very long. A huge bulk of these issues keep interrupting and creating hurdles in the relationship resulting in breakups. Borderline personality disorder and sudden breakup are very common because the level of uncertainty\ty is extremely high and the individual is unsure of what they are feeling hence leading things to break up.

So, it isn’t falling in love which is troublesome for them, it is the entire idea of walking step in step with their partner which they find difficult and stressful.

Borderline Personality Disorder Relationship Cycle

Since relationships are tricky waters for these people, they tend to have short but intense dynamics with their romantic partners. This means that the relationships such people experience are very intense and full of emotions but they tend to get destroyed quickly as well.

The reason why relationships are so difficult for them is that they have extreme abandonment issues which keep them in fear about the future of the relationship and whether they will be thrown away or not. Next up, these people also tend to face mood swings on such an intense level that they seem so unaware of the fact that their significant other might be getting upset and affected by the sudden changes in their mood.

People suffering from BPD when in an argument or disagreements tend to get intense bursts of anger. This anger can be demeaning for the partner in the sense that they tend to have zero control over what things they might say in such angry exchanges.

Unable to stay alone but mood swings and emotional instability making them push people away can leave them heartbroken and depressed at the end. This is why the borderline personality disorder relationship cycle is short but intense.

The cycle of the relationships starts with the person suffering from BPD having strong and intense feelings for someone. Moving on to the next step, when things escalate they get this soul-crushing fear of abandonment and question their relationship. Low self-esteem issues do not help and further strengthens the problems. Witha lot of uncertainty and sudden emotional pangs,  the relationship comes to an end. The entire cycle is short but all the feelings and emotions involved for the person are intense.

How To Deal With Borderline Personality Disorder Girlfriend

Relationships tend to be complicated as a whole but when there are elements of mental illnesses involved in it, it might reach new heights of difficulty. The thing to remember here is that no one chooses to be going through such complex issues. It is not the person who is a burden to you but the illness.

1.   Patience

Patience is the most important trait if you are with someone who has BPD or any sort of mental illness. These people are already extremely cautious of their feelings and emotions and tend to ting about them a lot. This results in a mountain of anxiety and stress unleashed on them. To help them maneuver through this tricky phase, it is crucial to be patient with them.

With patience comes a clear head, since one person is already on a rollercoaster, a clear head can help them stabilize themselves. This isn’t necessarily restricted just to dealing with a girlfriend but can be the same for dating a man with a borderline personality disorder.

2.   Reassurance

Reassurance is important to deal with such people kindly. Since they are in constant fear of abandonment and rejection, keep reassuring them. This reassurance doesn’t have to come on a grand scale but a few positive and reassuring words here and there can do wonders. You want to make sure that you make the other person feel comforted and reassured. Ensure that they feel like they have a safe and stable environment.

3.   Space To Speak

Let your partner know that the place with you is a safe one and they have the freedom to voice out whatever they are feeling. BPD patients tend to hold in grudges a lot which can be the stepping stone for destroyed relationships. If they are provided with a safe space and the ability to voice out their issues without getting targeted for it, they might be able to overcome their grudges and see things.

4.   Be Informed

To help someone else, you must be aware of all the dynamics of the mental illness. This means going on the internet or talking to professionals about it to learn how it should be dealt with. Try to contact all the concerned people who you think are credible and get their two cents. The more you research, the better you will be able to tackle any unseen events.

This will also help in making the other person realize that you are doing your best to make the relationship work. This effort on your part can go a long way for the relationship and the stability of the other person. This is going to work the same for men and women. Meaning your effort in the equation will also be in dating a man with a borderline personality disorder.

5.   Setting Boundaries

No matter how strong the love and commitment is between both the people, the relationship can still get tiring at times. Love is something that is meant to comfort your soul. Make sure that the relationship provides comfort to BOTH of you. Establish boundaries for your partner to work on. Install them in your life slowly and gradually. This way you won’t be overburdening them with rules while you can also have your space in the equation.

6.   Suggestion For Professional Help

Things are bound to spin out of control sometimes and that is nothing to be ashamed of. Since you are not a professional no one expects you to be the healing enter for your partner. In such a case when things go out of control, suggest your partner seek professional help. If you want you can suggest couple’s therapy together as well to make sure that both of you move in the right direction at a healthy pace.

Your presence in a couple’s therapy is once again a sign of effort on your behalf. This will further motivate your partner to work on the unresolved issues and they might be a middle-ground for you.

When A Borderline Personality Disorder Ends A Relationship

Even though we know that mental illnesses can be tiring, one should be willing to put the effort into it to make it work. But, it is necessary to know when to stop for your sake and your partners’. The following are some of the times when it might be the time to end the relationship.

  • If you feel like the situation has gotten so bad that they need to seek professional help to cope with it.
  • It might be time to put an end to the relationship if you have even a sliver of doubt that your presence in their life is causing these issues.
  • If you think that the illness has taken over the relationship and you can’t see it working out shortly. Mental illnesses can also make relationships toxic. Learn to identify if the situation is escalating or increasing.
  • If it is suggested by a medical professional that the patient needs to have a clear space of mind to deal with their issues, you might want to take a step back for their sake.
  • If you feel like your mental health and peace of mind are getting disrupted because of the drama and the issues, then it might be time for you to step back and take a break for your own sake.


In the end, you must know how difficult it is for the person suffering from BPD.  You should always be patient and supportive while helping the other person cope with it. Also, establish boundaries for yourself and remove yourself from the situation if you feel like it is harmful to either one of you.