When you are in a relationship, you expect your partner to trust you, be honest with you, you expect him to love you, and support you. If one of these things are missing then, you start to question the base of your relationship. Follow this article to learn more about what to do when someone lies to you in a relationship and how you can rebuild trust in a relationship.
A relationship has many foundations and all of these foundations are utmost important. When you are in a relationship with someone, naturally you would expect them to be honest with you, trust you, respect you, love you, and care about you. All of these things are necessary in a relationship. If anything is missing then, soon your relationship will start going downhill if you do not work on it. Every step is extremely important and these steps are linked to each other. Every relationship’s first foundation is honesty. If your partner is host with you, naturally you would trust him and respect him.
But what if your partner lies to you in a relationship? You may start to question everything they have said to you until now. Right from the start, you would think that if he could lie to you right now then, there is a high chance that he has done it before. Gradually you will lose your trust in him which can result in you losing respect for your partner.
Follow this article to learn more about what to do when someone lies to you in a relationship and how you can rebuild trust in a relationship.
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What to do when someone lies to you in a relationship?
The most important thing in a relationship is honesty, if there is no honesty in your relationship then, there is no trust and there will be no love. It is extremely important for a person to have an honest and faithful partner, otherwise they will spend most of their time thinking about all the negative outcomes of their relationship. It is not easy to catch lies of your partner because at first you might not pay much attention because you trust them but when you catch them lying to you, you might not be able to react properly. You will feel betrayed but you won’t have any idea on how to react. Here are some tips on what to do when someone lies to you in a relationship.
- Do not confront them immediately
- Get evidence
- Do not lose your integrity
- Trust your gut
- Consider your role
- You are allowed to have feelings
- Put it in context
- Don’t make any rash decision
- Walk away if they start playing the victim
- Stay on topic
- Resist obsessing about it
Do not confront them immediately:
You know that your partner lied to you about something and when you recently asked them about the situation even then, they did not come clean and continued to lie. Do not react immediately and confront them, see how far they are willing to go with their lies. You know the truth, so you have nothing to worry about.
Never confront them immediately, first gather the evidence that backs you up. This way they will not be able to deny anything. And this will also give you a clearer picture. You will find out lots of new things about the situation you are in. You may find out some things from the past about which they lied to you. So, collecting evidence is extremely important.
Do not lose your integrity:
Never compromise your self respect for anything. If you catch them lying to you compulsively then, you must think if they even respect you or not. Because if they truly respected you then, they would have been honest with you no matter what the situation was. When you are in a relationship then, you expect them to be honest with you. That is the first foundation of any relationship, but if they cannot respect that then, they do not respect you.
Trust your gut:
Always trust your gut in situations like these. A little part inside of you may be telling you to break things off and leave your partner. But you must take things slow, do not rush anything and think twice before you make any decision. You should keep in mind if your partner is really sorry or they are just playing the victim. You are hurt, that is understandable but do not make any decision that you might regret later.
Consider your role:
Always consider your role in the whole situation. Talk to them and tell them to inform you about each and everything. Consider if they lied to you because they wanted to protect you or because they thought that you would not be able to take the new. So you must consider these details before taking the next step.
You are allowed to have feelings:
You are allowed to feel angry, sad, and betrayed when you find out your partner has been lying to you. Never feel guilty about anything, you did nothing wrong and if your partner is upset with how you reacted then, they should have thought of it before lying to you.
Put it in context:
When you find the truth the first thing that you should do is to find out when your partner started lying to you. Find out if they lied to you just this once or were they lying to you this whole time. Try to find the context behind your partner’s lie, were they lying to cover up their cheating or were they lying because they wanted to protect you.
Don’t make any rash decision:
Take your time and do not rush anything. You will feel angry and hurt by your partner’s behavior and that is understandable. But you must not make any rash decision that you might regret later. Talk to your partner, see if they are truly guilty or not, and then come to any conclusion. Take your time and make a decision when you are calmed down and your head is clear.
Walk away if they start playing the victim:
Forgiving your partner after you find out that they have lied to you only depends on their behavior after getting caught. You have to see if they are really ashamed or not before moving forward. If they start playing the victim and blame it on someone else or they start blaming you then, walk away from them. This is a sign that they are not ashamed of what they did and their behavior shows that they might do it again.
Stay on topic:
Be firm and stay on topic when having a discussion with your partner. Do not let them or anyone else change the topic, discuss it at length before you make any decision. The entire discussion will be uncomfortable for him and he will try to distract you from the ongoing discussion. Be firm and do not let him change the dynamic of the conversation.
Resist obsessing about it:
Once your partner lies to you about anything then, you will feel as if they are lying about everything and they will continue to do so. You will have this urge to cross check everything they say or do. You should avoid obsessing over it, this will help you protect your sanity. You will be able to live your life with your mental peace intact.
How can lies harm a relationship?
It is a known fact that lying can destroy a relationship extremely. If your partner is not honest with you then, you will never be able to trust him and slowly you will fall out of love. When your partner lies to you, you will start to question everything that they have said until now. Following are some of the ways lying can harm a relationship.
- Lack of intimacy
- Feelings of isolation
- Negative effects on mental and physical health
- Break up
Lack of intimacy:
If your partner is not honest with you then, you will start to lose the emotional intimacy you had with him. You will not be able to connect with him like you used to and this will lead to lack of physical intimacy as well. When you are intimate with someone you are vulnerable with them but when the same person is not honest with you and lies to you then, you will find it hard to connect with them, emotionally and physically.
Feelings of isolation:
At first your partner will try to distance themselves from you because they are afraid you will catch their lies. After everything comes into the light then, you will start keeping them at an arm’s length. So, this will affect both you and your partner. You will experience isolation because the one person you could trust lied to you.
Negative effects on mental and physical health:
One of the worst effects of finding out that your partner lied to you is poor mental and physical health. You lose control of yourself and your mind starts to overthink. You will second guess everything and this will also have a poor effect on your physical health. You start to lack in taking care of yourself.
Eventually if you are unable to forgive your partner for lying to you then, you break up with them. You try to work things out but you just keep getting paranoid after that. You start to doubt everything they do, you keep checking on them to be sure if they are not lying to you. Your mental and physical health is starting to deteriorate. So, you end things with them, to save them and yourself from future misery.
How can you rebuild trust in a relationship?
After everything that has happened, you decide to work on your relationship. You have seen your partner change overtime, you know they are ashamed of their lies. So, after thinking about it, you have decided to rebuild your relationship. You want to work past your differences and move on. Following are some tips on how you can rebuild trust in a relationship.
- Communication is the key
- Practice forgiveness
- Avoid dwelling on the past
- Both partners should make efforts
- Do not talk about your partner behind their back
- Be patient
- Create an atmosphere of transparency
Communication is the key:
You must always remember that communication is the key. If you want to solve your differences with your partner then, the best way to do so is through communication. Talk to each other about your differences and understand each other’s feelings. This is the first step for you if you want to rebuild your relationship.
If you want to move past your differences then, you must practice forgiveness. You must let go of the bitter memories and move on. It is easier said than done, but if you want to give your relationship a second chance then, you must let go of your past.
Avoid dwelling on the past:
Let go of your past and do not overthink anything. If you keep on thinking about your partner’s lie then you will not be able to move on. Just go with the flow and do not second guess yourself. Your partner made a mistake but now he is willing to work on himself, he wants to be with you and give this relationship a second chance.
Both partners should make efforts:
It is not only one person’s responsibility to mend the relationship. Both you and your partner are responsible, it is your relationship. You both should work on it together. Talk to each other and clear out the misunderstandings. It is not just one person’s responsibility to mend the relationship. If you want to work on your relationship then, both you and your partner should be committed.
Do not talk about your partner behind their back:
If you want to work on your relationship then, you must start respecting each other. Do not talk trash about your partner behind their back. This is not a sign of someone who wants to work on a relationship. Rather it is a sign of someone who still has not learned anything from the entire situation.
You have to be patient with your partner. Especially if you are at fault then, you should be considerate about your partner’s emotions. You should think from their point of view, think that if you were in their shoes even you would act this way. So, be patient and take one step at a time.
Create an atmosphere of transparency:
If you want to make your relationship work then, you must create an atmosphere of transparency. Already you both have been through a rough patch and you both have a lack of trust between you two. So, it is best for you and your partner to share everything with each other. No matter how big or small the thing is, it is better if you tell them before they get to know about it from a third person.
It is not easy to forget about how your partner lied to you in a relationship because it starts to make you second guess everything they did until now. You will go paranoid with overthinking and it is going to negatively affect your mental and physical health. When you find out that your partner has lied to you, you start to bring up incidents from your past because you think that if they lied today then maybe they have been doing it from the start. Honesty is the first step of any relationship and every other step is linked with it.
If your partner is not honest with you and lies to you then, naturally you will lose your trust in him. This is going to lead on to you losing your respect and love for him. If you find out that your partner has lied to you then, never confront them immediately. Wait and see how far they can take things. Never confront them immediately and see if they say something themselves. And if everything is out on the table then, see if they are ashamed or not. If they start playing the victim card then, walk out from there.