Relationships are extremely vulnerable at times and need to be dealt with accordingly. Any sort of deceiving, treachery, or lying can lead to a sabotaged relationship in no time. Since these bonds are sensitive, complete transparency is important. With the integrity of the bond and the relationship damaged, it can take a lot of time to rebuild that trust.
Moving forward, in this article, we will highlight for you what happens when you lie in a relationship and answer some basic questions like how to fix a relationship after lying, how to react when someone lies to you, and what to do when someone tells lies about you.
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What Happens When You Lie In A Relationship?
The thing about lying is that it never starts straight from a huge lie. What you might experience first is causal fibbing. Forgiveness of one lie can lead to another and then another and then in no time, you will see your relationship breaking down into pieces right in front of you. Lying in a relationship is extremely detrimental to it. You’re not just fibbing about something, you’re damaging the entire discipline and foundation of the relationship.
Once you are caught in a web of lies you will see that getting out of it will be extremely difficult. The same amount of energy spent in curating a lie and keeping up with it can instead be spent on the truth and working towards the betterment and progress of the bond.
When you lie to your partner, you are damaging their self-worth making them feel like they didn’t give you space, to be honest with you. Even if your partner forgives you for lying to them, this lie can still crack the foundation of a relationship. All the times in the future, when you will be true will get disregarded because you have been once caught in a lie. You won’t be just destroying the level of trust but you will also be ruining your credibility. Truth can go a long way as you might get the benefit of the doubt for coming clean.
How To React When Someone Lies To You?
Being stuck in a situation when you catch your partner lying to you can be hard to tackle. There are a lot of emotions that you might be feeling right.
The hurt of being lied to, there is the shock, the anger you get when you realize that someone made a fool out of you, plus the sadness that your partner did something they felt the need to lie about and there might be even resentment sometimes. Tackling all these emotions and many more together can be hard and you need to learn how to reach when someone lies to you.
Below, we have listed down a list of things you can do to handle the situation.
1. Keep A Clear Head
First off, since you will be in a difficult situation, you need to keep a clear head. Bursting out in anger, shouting, and screaming is only going to escalate the matter. You won’t be able to find out any solution and will be stuck in a loop of arguments, anger, and resentment. Try to take some time to yourself if you need to cool down. Keeping a clear head will help you in making decisions. This way you can be sure that you won’t be making any impulsive decisions that you regret later on.
2. Be Civil
Once you have a clear mind, you can civilly approach your partner and try to communicate about the underlying cause of the lie. This is the time to ask your partner to speak out their side. Try not to interrupt them and let them do all their talking. Once it’s your turn to speak, make sure that you do not bring in any insult or bad words. This will disregard your entire argument. Also, in anger people tend to get unreasonable and tend to let their temper get the best of them. Any insult you throw their way, they might end up using it against you turning the argument on you.
3. Truth Moment
Make it clear to them that you know about the lie and how you came to know if it. This builds your credibility and strengthens your argument. Let them know that this is the moment where they have to come clean about all that is going on. If one lie gets caught, there are a lot of chances that all others might come tumbling down soon as well so let them know they have the floor to come clean.
4. Your Time
Once they brief you of all that has been going on and explain your side of the story, it will be your time to speak. Let them know how the conversation is going to work out. You gave them the space to speak their part, and now it’s your turn. Lay down all your points on the table and explain to them what you are feeling. You need to let them know all the hurt, shock, disappointment, and resentment you might be feeling. This will help them understand the severity of the situation.
5. Space To Think
Now that everything is out on the table with both the sides cleared, you can ask your partner to give you some space. This depends upon you. If you think you can make a sound decision there then, go for it. If not, then respectfully ask for some space. This way you can sit with yourself and weigh out the pros and cons.
6. Don’t Pressure Yourself
You know what the pros and cons of forgiveness are. If you think the lie is one which can be forgiven then let it be. Make sure your partner knows that you are giving them another chance. If not, then you should be open to your partner about it. Communicate to them why the lie was a deal-breaker for you. Do not pressure yourself i9nto forgiveness just for the sake of holding on to the person. Also, do not let them pressure you into forgiveness.
How To Get Over Someone Lying To You?
If you’ve caught someone lying to you, chances are that you are feeling a ton of emotions and none of them are positive. You might be feeling angry, bitter, and sad and some of these feelings might be directed towards yourself as well. If you’ve decided to end the relationship then you need to know how not to let them get to your head. Learn how to get over someone lying to you.
1. Know your Self Worth
In such situations when one is feeling helpless and angry, there are lots of chances that you might end up blaming yourself for it. When a person lies to you, it speaks multitudes about them. It shows how insecure they are, it shows their distrust in themselves and the relationship. Know that there are absolutely no excuses for lies. Do not question yourself as a partner or your self-worth. This should never be a responsibility. It is their guilt, their mistake. Let them take a full load of their actions and the consequences.
2. Acknowledge Your Emotions
When relationships go downhill, there is bound to be some sadness. This can get extreme if you end up suppressing all your emotions. Acknowledgment is a huge part of this rollercoaster of a ride so that you can properly get over it. If you deny yourself the right to grieve or your brain might convince you that it wasn’t as bad as you thought it to be. As a result, you will be stuck thinking if you made the right decision or not.
3. Forgiveness For The Liar
A lot of times holding on to grudges and complaints can make you bitter. After ending the relationship, keep convincing yourself not to harbor any better feeling in your heart for them. This might take some time but in the long run, it is important. This forgiveness can further help you in moving on and getting over them. We are not asking you to get chummy with them again, but having an indifferent approach to them can help you in the long run.
4. Forgiveness For Yourself
Liars are the biggest manipulators in the world. Keep that in mind the next time you find yourself blaming yourself for a lie that someone told you. Know that there is nothing that you could’ve done which would have avoided the situation. The liar and only the lair is responsible for their actions and for whatever consequences they might have to face. Spare your soul and don’t beat yourself up over it.
5. Don’t Change
Last, all these deceit and treachery might make you cold. Don’t fall into that trap. Do not close yourself off to the idea of any future attachments and do not become cold-hearted with the people who are already in your life. Don’t let them and their mistakes take over your life. The biggest and most important step to moving on and getting over someone is to realize that you were a good person.
What To Do When Someone Tells Lies About You?
If someone is going around spreading lies about you then there is a strong chance they are looking for attention. Make sure that you don’t give in to their provocation and ignore them. This is the best way to get yourself out of this mess without involving yourself any further.
You can also set things straight with the people you love. These are the closest friends. Of course, if they know you a lot of these people might not even believe the lies. But, in case someone does bring it up, do not get mad at them. The liar is telling lies about you to ruin you and your relationships with other people. If you fight with the people who are coming for clarification, the liar will win.
Lastly, if the lies are getting out of hand then you can confront the liar. Make sure that this one is your last resort as it is the easiest way to avoid any unnecessary drama. Civilly approach them and tell them all the rumors that you’ve heard about yourself. Ask them why they feel the need to demean you in public like that. Make sure that the argument goes civilly to put an end to the lies once and for all.
How To Fix A Relationship After Lying?
Trust is the foundation of every relationship and regaining that can be quite challenging. But, it is important to know that regaining the trust of your partner is not impossible. A lot of times people tend to mess up., these mess-ups can go from a smaller scale to a bigger one but it completely depends on the individual as to how they chose to tackle it.
If you lied along the way and your partner has forgiven you, it means you are in for a second chance. But, to make the most of the second chance, there are a few things you can do. Read on ahead to find out how to fix a relationship after lying.
1. Total Honesty
To move any further,r know that total honesty is the only way to go from here. Lies have already ruined things as enough and you don’t need more things coming up. Be completely transparent to your partner about your past. Any small or big lie that has taken place in between, tell it to them. Put it all out on the table. Turn yourself inside out and let them know that from here onwards, honest will be the way to go.
Apologies can go a long way., You are very wrong if you think that you apologized once and that is the end of it. Apologies can work wonders when it comes to melting hearts. Just make sure that you are apologizing for a second chance because you want to work on it and make it better. Do not use apologies as a manipulation trick if you intend on going back to your old ways.
Make sure it is genuine and that you mean everything you say.
3. Promise Game
At the time of apologizing, you might find yourself making promises. The purpose of making elaborate promises is to convince your partner that they won’t be hurt because of you again. Making promises is a nice thing only if you plan on fulfilling them. Do not make any promises that you can’t keep. Unfulfilled promises will only lead to more mistrust and doubt. Keep it realistic and genuine.
4. Think Why
Apologizing and making promises is no use if you do not know why you lied in the first place. Try to take some alone time and sit with yourself. Think of the severity of the situation and what led you to do it in the first place. “Why” might also be the first question your partners ask you. Sometimes the answer to this might be hard to accept but you have to bear it all.
Remember, the idea behind this isn’t to blame someone else. Think of your actions and the thoughts that went in your head before making that decision.
Along the way, your partner might have many questions about the whole ordeal. To let them get through the process at their own pace, be open to their questions. Do not think of it as an interrogation but a way for them to actually leave the past behind. If they have any questions, be open to them. Don’t make it look like you’re hiding something. Let them know that you intend on making it work by keeping open communication about all things.
6. Time And Space
We know how sensitive relationships can be. After everything is out in the open, give your partner the time and space to stomach it all. All of this might get overwhelming for them. Let them have some to their own. You can never hurry them in this process or they might end up being even more agitated.
Let them know that you know it was your mistake and things can go at the pace they like. Giving them the complete authority of the situation shows that you are ready to make it work.
7. Work On Your Actions
It is absolutely true when they say actions speak louder than words. Promises can be empty, apologies can be useless if your actions and your behavior don’t back them up. Work on your attitude as that is what shows to your partner that you are truly remorseful. Don’t limit your range of work to just empty words. Follow Up on your promises and be attentive. If they want you there to be with them every step of the way.
8. Don’t Victimize Yourself
This will definitely be a hard time for the relationship. Both of you will have a difficult time adjusting to the reality of things. Nothing will go smoothly at this point and can take quite some time. While your partner is processing the news their way, make sure that you do not victimize yourself in the time being. Don’t expect them to forgive you out of pity. Don’t manipulate them into thinking that you can’t go on like this. Any sort of pressure on them can turn the whole thing upside down.
9. You’re Human Too
Lastly, always keep in mind that you are a human too. This is not said in the sense that you keep throwing it in your partner’s face to make them forgive you, no. The point of this is to forgive yourself. Stop mourning over your previous mistakes and give yourself the liberty and the space to grow.
Don’t beat yourself up over it. Sure, being regretful and apologetic is important but also channel all your energy into working on stabilizing the relationship again.
Relationships are a lot of work, especially the ones that were the verge of ending. It can be tiresome trying to get over someone who lied to you but remember, what you had was toxic and it’s good riddance for you. If you plan on making the relationship work, give it your best shot and wait. Patience is the key to all good things in life.