What Is ADHD? What Is It Like Being In A Relationship With Someone Who Has ADHD?

ADHD is one of the most common neurodevelopmental disorders of childhood. It is usually first diagnosed in childhood and often lasts into adulthood. Follow this article learn more about ADHD and what is it like being in a relationship with someone who has ADHD.

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a condition that affects people’s behavior. People with ADHD can seem restless, may have trouble concentrating and may act on impulse. Symptoms of ADHD tend to be noticed at an early age and may become more noticeable when a child’s circumstances change, such as when they start school.

Most cases are diagnosed when children are under 12 years old, but sometimes it’s diagnosed later in childhood. Sometimes ADHD was not recognised when someone was a child, and they are diagnosed later as an adult. The symptoms of ADHD usually improve with age, but many adults who were diagnosed with the condition at a young age continue to experience problems.

People with ADHD may also have additional problems, such as sleep and anxiety disorders. Follow this article to learn more about what is ADHD and what it is like being in a relationship with someone who has ADHD.

What is ADHD?

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is one of the most common mental disorders affecting children. Symptoms of ADHD include inattention (not being able to keep focus), hyperactivity (excess movement that is not fitting to the setting) and impulsivity (hasty acts that occur in the moment without thought). ADHD is considered a chronic and debilitating disorder and is known to impact the individual in many aspects of their life including academic and professional achievements, interpersonal relationships, and daily functioning.

ADHD can lead to poor self-esteem and social function in children when not appropriately treated. Adults with ADHD may experience poor self-worth, sensitivity towards criticism, and increased self-criticism possibly stemming from higher levels of criticism throughout life. Of note, ADHD presentation and assessment in adults differs; this page focuses on children. An estimated 8.4% of children and 2.5% of adults have ADHD.

ADHD is often first identified in school-aged children when it leads to disruption in the classroom or problems with schoolwork. It is more commonly diagnosed among boys than girls given differences in how the symptoms present. However, this does not mean that boys are more likely to have ADHD. Boys tend to present with hyperactivity and other externalizing symptoms whereas girls tend to have inactivity.

Neuroscience, brain imaging, and clinical research tell us a few important things: ADHD is not a behavior disorder. ADHD is not a mental illness. ADHD is not a specific learning disability. ADHD is, instead, a developmental impairment of the brain’s self-management system. Both adults and children can be diagnosed with ADHD.

What are the symptoms of having ADHD?

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a complex neurodevelopmental disorder that can affect your ability to function in many different aspects of your life, such as at school, at work, and even at home. Although ADHD can cause visible challenges in everyday life, the symptoms in children and adults vary and are sometimes difficult to recognize.

ADHD is generally diagnosed in children by the time they’re teenagers, with the average age for moderate ADHD diagnosis being 7 years old. Adults with ADHD may have exhibited elaborate symptoms early in life that were overlooked, leading to a late diagnosis later in life. Below, we’ll discuss some of the common signs and symptoms of ADHD in children and adults, as well as tips for living with ADHD and where to find support.

Symptoms of ADHD in children:

ADHD primarily causes symptoms related to inattention, hyperactivity-impulsivity, or a combination of both. With ADHD, someone may experience difficulties paying attention and staying organized, excess fidgeting or restlessness, and trouble with self-control or impulsive behaviors.

In children or toddlers with ADHD, this can lead to symptoms at home, in day care, or at school, such as:

• Trouble focusing on activities and becoming easily distracted.
• Low attention span while playing or doing schoolwork.
• Fidgeting, squirming, or otherwise having trouble sitting still.
• Constantly needing movement or frequently running around.
• Engaging in activities loudly or disruptively.
• Excess talking and interrupting other people.

Symptoms of ADHD in teenagers:

As children with ADHD get older, the symptoms they experience may change. In some cases, certain symptoms seen in childhood may become less problematic in adolescence, while new symptoms can arise amidst the changing responsibilities that accompany growing older.

In adolescents and teenagers with ADHD, other symptoms that may appear can include:

• Difficulty focusing on schoolwork or other work.
• Frequently making mistakes while doing work.
• Trouble finishing tasks, especially schoolwork or chores.
• Trouble with task organization and time management.
• Frequently forgetting things or losing personal items.
• Frequently avoiding mentally taxing tasks.
• Experiencing increased frustration and emotional sensitivity.
• Trouble navigating social and familial relationships.
• Increased conflict with parents due to ADHD symptoms affecting home life.

It’s important to understand that while these symptoms of inattentiveness, hyperactivity, and impulsivity can sometimes cause adolescents and teenagers with this condition to appear “immature,” they are simply a part of ADHD and have nothing to do with a child’s maturity level.

Symptoms of ADHD in adults:

Although most people with ADHD receive a diagnosis during childhood, sometimes the signs and symptoms of this condition are overlooked or misinterpreted. But as long as the symptoms of ADHD have been present for that individual before 12 years of ageTrusted Source, they can still receive a diagnosis in adulthood.

In adults, the symptoms of ADHD can appear different than those in adolescence or childhood due to the different responsibilities someone may have in adulthood. According to the literature, adults tend to experience:

• Difficulties at college or work.
• Trouble passing or completing your work.
• Issues with self-esteem and overall well-being.
• Substance misuse especially alcohol.
• Relationship challenges with partners, co-workers, and friends.
• Frequent accidents or injuries.

Symptoms of ADHD in women and girls:

While ADHD affects people of all ages and genders, research suggests that ADHD is roughly four times as prevalent in males as it is in females. The differences in ADHD between sex and genders are not just refined to the prevalence. In fact, ADHD can present differently in women than in men, which can further contribute to the reduced rate of diagnosis in women and girls.

A recent article published in BMC Psychiatry reviewed the research on different symptoms, co-occurring conditions, and the level of functioning in females who have ADHD. According to the research, females often experience a mix of both inattentive and hyperactive-impulsive symptoms, many of which are less severe than their male counterparts, especially in the hyperactive-impulsive category.

Other notable differences in ADHD presentation in women and girls are:

• More severe difficulties with mood changes and emotional regulation.
• A higher likelihood of severe social problems, especially with bullying.
• An increased risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and pregnancy due to an increased number of sexual partners.
• More severe challenges in the areas of academics and self-esteem.
• Increased behaviors used to compensate for difficulties at home, school, or work.

In addition, ADHD symptoms seem to become more severe with age and during periods of transition, such as puberty and adulthood. Hormonal changes, such as those that occur with menstruation, pregnancy, or menopause, can also cause an increase or worsening of ADHD symptoms.

What are the causes of ADHD?

Scientists are studying cause(s) and risk factors in an effort to find better ways to manage and reduce the chances of a person having ADHD. The cause(s) and risk factors for ADHD are unknown, but current research shows that genetics plays an important role. Recent studies link genetic factors with ADHD.

In addition to genetics, scientists are studying other possible causes and risk factors including:

• Genetics
• Brain structure
• Family connection
• Pregnancy problems

Genetics:

ADHD tends to run in families and, in most cases, it’s thought the genes you inherit from your parents are a significant factor in developing the condition. Research shows that parents and siblings of someone with ADHD are more likely to have ADHD themselves. However, the way ADHD is inherited is likely to be complex and is not thought to be related to a single genetic fault.

Brain structure:

Research has identified a number of possible differences in the brains of people with ADHD from those without the condition, although the exact significance of these is not clear. For example, studies involving brain scans have suggested that certain areas of the brain may be smaller in people with ADHD, whereas other areas may be larger.

Other studies have suggested that people with ADHD may have an imbalance in the level of neurotransmitters in the brain, or that these chemicals may not work properly.

Family connection:

ADHD runs in families. Anywhere from one-third to one-half of parents with ADHD will have a child with the disorder. There are genetic characteristics that seem to be passed down. If a parent has ADHD, a child has more than a 50% chance of having it. If an older sibling has it, a child has more than a 30% chance.

Pregnancy problems:

Children born with a low birth weight, born premature, or whose mothers had difficult pregnancies have a higher risk of having ADHD. The same is true for children with head injuries to the frontal lobe of the brain, the area that controls impulses and emotions.

Studies show that pregnant women who smoke or drink alcohol may have a higher risk of having a child with ADHD. Exposure to lead, PCBs, or pesticides may also have a role. Researchers believe that some toxins may interfere with brain development. That, they say, could lead to hyperactivity, impulsive behavior, and trouble paying attention.

What are the factors affecting ADHD?

A risk factor is something that raises the chances of getting a health problem. A person can get ADHD with or without the ones listed below. The chances of getting ADHD are greater in people who have many. ADHD is more common in boys. Other things that can raise the risk are:

• Neurotoxins
• Nutrition
• Smoking and alcohol
• Sugar
• Traumatic brain injury

Neurotoxins:

Many researchers believe there may be a connection between ADHD and certain common neurotoxic chemicals, namely lead and some pesticides. Lead exposure in children may affect the level of education they achieve. It’s also potentially associated with inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity.

Exposure to organophosphate pesticides may also be linked to ADHD. These pesticides are chemicals sprayed on lawns and agricultural products. Organophosphates potentially have adverse effects on children’s neurodevelopment according to a 2016 study.

Nutrition:

There is no concrete evidence that food dyes and preservatives may cause hyperactivity in some children according to the Mayo Clinic. Foods with artificial coloring include most processed and packaged snack foods. Sodium benzoate preservative is found in fruit pies, jams, soft drinks, and relishes. Researchers haven’t determined whether these ingredients influence ADHD.

Smoking and alcohol:

Perhaps the strongest link between the environment and ADHD occurs before a child is born. Prenatal exposure to smoking is associated with the behaviors of children with ADHD according to the CDC. Children who were exposed to alcohol and drugs while in the womb are more likely to have ADHD according to a 2012 study.

Sugar:

Studies and common belief say excess sugar in a child’s diet often leads to behavioral problems. However, detailed studies have shown that there is no association between excess sugar in diet and raised risk of ADHD or even worsening of symptoms in children diagnosed with ADHD.

Traumatic brain injury:

Brain injury has also been linked to ADHD in some studies. However the number of children who have suffered such brain injuries is too small to explain the rising prevalence of ADHD.

What are the three types of ADHD?

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a chronic condition that impacts an individual’s emotions, behaviors, and the ability to learn new things. It mainly affects children, but can also occur in adults.

The effects of ADHD can vary from person to person. To be diagnosed with ADHD, symptoms must have an impact on your day-to-day life. Here’s what to know about the different types of ADHD plus how they’re diagnosed and treated.

ADHD is divided into three main types:

• Inattentive type
• Hyperactive-impulsive type
• Combination type

Inattentive type:

If you have this type of ADHD, you may experience more symptoms of inattention than those of impulsivity and hyperactivity. You may struggle with impulse control or hyperactivity at times. But these aren’t the main characteristics of inattentive ADHD.

People who experience inattentive behavior often:

• Miss details and are distracted easily.
• Get bored quickly.
• Have trouble focusing on a single task.
• Have trouble organizing new thoughts and learning new information.
• Losing your stuff or forgetting where you last saw it.
• Don’t seem to listen.
• Move slowly and appear as if they are daydreaming.
• Process information more slowly or less accurately.
• Have trouble following directions.

More girls are diagnosed with inattentive type ADHD than boys.

Hyperactive-impulsive type:

This type of ADHD is characterized by symptoms of impulsivity and hyperactivity. People with this type can display signs of inattention, but it’s not as marked as the other symptoms.

People who are impulsive or hyperactive often:

• Squirm, fidget, or feel restless.
• Have difficulty sitting still.
• Talk constantly.
• Touch and play with objects, even when inappropriate to the task at hand.
• Have trouble engaging in quiet activities.
• Are constantly ‘on the go’.
• Are impatient.
• Act out of turn and don’t think about consequences of actions.
• Blurt out answers and inappropriate comments.

Children with hyperactive-impulsive type ADHD can be a disruption in the classroom. They can make learning more difficult for themselves and other students. More boys are diagnosed with the hyperactive-impulsive type than girls.

Combination type:

If you have the combination type, it means that your symptoms don’t exclusively fall within the inattention or hyperactive-impulsive behavior. Instead, a combination of symptoms from both of the categories are exhibited.

Most people, with or without ADHD, experience some degree of inattentive or impulsive behavior. But it’s more severe in people with ADHD. The behavior occurs more often and interferes with how you function at home, school, work, and in social situations.

Most children have combination type ADHD, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. This type is more common in boys compared to girls. The most common symptom in preschool aged children is hyperactivity. Symptoms can change over time, so the type of ADHD you have may change, too. ADHD can be a lifelong challenge. But medication and other treatments can help improve your quality of life.

What are the treatment options for ADHD?

If you’ve received an ADHD diagnosis, you might find the following treatment options can reduce symptoms and help you function better in your everyday life:

• Medications for ADHD
• Therapy for ADHD
• Additional treatment options

Medications for ADHD:

Medication is often an important part of treatment for someone with ADHD. However, it can be a difficult decision to make. To make the best decision, you and your doctor will work together to decide whether medication is a good option. If so, ask your doctor whether you need medication during school or work hours only, or on evenings and weekends as well.

• Central nervous system stimulants.
• Nonstimulant medications

Central nervous system stimulants:

Central nervous system (CNS) stimulants are the most commonly prescribed class of ADHD drugs. These drugs work by increasing the amounts of brain chemicals called dopamine and norepinephrine.

In people with ADHD, these types of stimulants produce a paradoxical calming effect. This results in a reduction in hyperactivity and an improvement in attention span in many people. The effect improves your concentration and helps you focus better.

Nonstimulant medications:

Your doctor may consider nonstimulant medications when stimulants haven’t worked for your ADHD, or they cause side effects that are hard to manage. Certain nonstimulant medications work by increasing levels of norepinephrine in your brain. Norepinephrine is thought to help with attention and memory.

The non stimulant treatments include:

• Atomoxetine
• Antidepressants

Although medications for ADHD bear some side effects, your doctor can work with you to find the right dosage. The more common side effects of stimulants and non stimulants are pretty similar, although they tend to be stronger for stimulants.

These side effects can include:

• Headache
• Trouble sleeping
• Upset stomach
• Nervousness
• Iritateability
• Weight loss
• Dry mouth

The more serious side effects of these drug types are rarer. For stimulants, the serious side effects can include:

• Hallucinations
• Increased blood pressure
• Allergic reaction
• Suicidal thoughts

Therapy for ADHD:

Several therapy options can help with ADHD. Talk with your doctor about whether one or more of these options would be a good choice for you.

• Psychotherapy
• Behavioral therapy
• Cognitive behavioral therapy

Psychotherapy:

There are different types of psychotherapy that can provide a way for you to better manage symptoms of your ADHD. For example, psychotherapy can be useful in getting you to open up about your feelings of coping with ADHD.

ADHD may also cause you to have problems with peers and authority figures. Psychotherapy can help you better handle these relationships. In psychotherapy, you may also be able to explore your behavior patterns and learn how to make healthier choices in the future.

Behavioral therapy:

The goal of behavior therapy is to teach someone how to monitor their behaviors and then change those behaviors appropriately. You’ll develop strategies for how you behave in response to certain situations. These strategies often involve some sort of direct feedback to help learn suitable behaviors. For instance, a token reward system could be devised to support positive behaviors.

Cognitive behavioral therapy:

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a short-term, goal-focused form of psychotherapy that aims to change negative patterns of thinking and replace them with a renewed framing of how you feel about yourself and your ADHD symptoms.

CBT can help people with ADHD with the “life impairments” they can experience, such as time management and procrastination. It can also help them manage irrational thought patterns that prevent them from staying on task, such as, “This has to be perfect, or else it’s no good.”

Additional treatment options:

The additional treatment options for ADHD patients and their loved ones are:

• Social skills training
• Parenting skills training
• Support groups

Social skills training:

Social skills training can sometimes be useful if someone expresses difficulty in social environments. As with CBT, the goal of social skills training is to teach new and more appropriate behaviors. This helps a person with ADHD work and socialize better with others.

Parenting skills training:

If your child has an ADHD diagnosis, parenting skills training can give you tools and techniques for understanding and managing their behaviors. Some techniques may include:

• Immediate rewards – Try using a point system or other means of immediate rewards for good behavior or work.
• Timeouts – Use a timeout when your child becomes too unruly or out of control. For some children, being pulled out of a stressful or overstimulating situation can help them learn how to react more appropriately the next time a similar situation comes up.
• Togetherness – Find time together every week to share a pleasurable or relaxing activity. During this time together, you can look for opportunities to point out what your child does well and praise their strengths and abilities.
• Striving for success – Structure situations in a way that allows your child to find success. For instance, you might allow them to have only one or two playmates at a time so they don’t get overstimulated.
• Stress management – Use methods such as meditation, relaxation techniques, and exercise to help manage stress.

Support groups:

Support groups can be great for helping people connect with others who may share similar experiences and concerns. Support groups typically meet regularly to allow relationships and support networks to be built. Knowing you’re not alone in dealing with ADHD can be a huge relief.

Support groups can also be a great resource for ideas and strategies for coping with your or a loved one’s ADHD, especially if you or someone you know was recently diagnosed. You can ask your doctor how to find support groups in your area.

What is it like being in a relationship with someone who has ADHD?

Maybe you’ve known all along that your partner has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Or maybe you’re in the early stages of dating, and they just told you they have ADHD. Regardless of the scenario, their symptoms can affect your relationship.

Estimates suggest anywhere from 2.5 percent to 4 percent of adults live with this condition. That said, ADHD often goes undiagnosed, especially in adults. So it could be even more common than existing research indicates.

Characteristics of adult ADHD often include:

• Difficulty in concentrating
• Tendency to get distracted easily.
• Trouble completing important tasks on time.
• Getting so absorbed in something that the rest of the world fades away.
• Difficulty in staying organized or motivated.
• Mood swings
• Impulsive behavior
• Forgetfulness
• Restlessness, which might seem like extreme energy
• Fatigue

In addition to creating stress and tension, these symptoms can lead to misunderstandings and conflict. You want to help your partner and improve your relationship, but you might not know exactly where to start — especially when your efforts to help only make things worse.

Here are ten ways to offer healthy support without draining yourself or neglecting your own needs, whether you’re in a long-term relationship or just started dating someone with ADHD.

• Encourage them to talk to a professional
• You are a partner, not a parent.
• Emphasize their strengths
• Practice patience
• Work on communication
• Find solutions for specific problems
• Figure out what works for them
• Learn to let some things go
• Create boundaries
• Establish your support network

Encourage them to talk to a professional:

If they haven’t received an ADHD diagnosis, talking to a mental health professional or primary care physician is a great place to start. A professional can help your partner:

• Learn more about ADHD
• Explore the ways ADHD affects their lives.
• Learn coping strategies
• Practice communication skills
• Address anxiety
• Explore treatment options

Not everyone feels comfortable with the idea of therapy. If your partner seems hesitant, it often doesn’t hurt to ask about their reservations and explain why you think therapy could help. Your support might encourage them to reach out, but keep in mind it’s ultimately their choice. Relationship counseling with a therapist who specializes in relationships affected by ADHD can also help you and your partner work together to navigate the unique challenges you face.

You are a partner, not a parent:

Part of a parent’s job involves teaching children how to handle the various responsibilities of everyday life. This means offering reminders and constructive guidance when tasks go undone or aren’t completed correctly.

“Parenting” your partner can make them feel controlled and can create distance or resentment in your relationship. It can also sap your energy and make it more difficult to connect emotionally or physically. Remember: You’re a team. Try offering encouragement instead of frustration and exasperation , lecturing, criticizing, or doing everything yourself to get it done “properly”.

Emphasize their strengths:

If you live together, there’s the issue of dividing up household chores and responsibilities, so neither of you ends up with more than your share of physical or cognitive labor. If your partner has ADHD, this division of tasks might take a little extra thought, as people with ADHD may have different strengths.

They might be a fantastic, creative cook, but have trouble getting dinner going on time. Or maybe they enjoy grocery shopping, but they have a hard time remembering specific details, like which brand of tomato sauce you like.

In these scenarios, maybe you pipe in with a gentle, “I’m looking forward to your cooking tonight. Is there anything I can do to help you get started?” Or maybe you help out with filling in extra details in the shopping list. Recognizing your individual areas of expertise can help you share tasks more effectively and appreciate each other’s unique skills.

Practice patience:

ADHD is a mental health condition. Your partner doesn’t choose to have it. Their behavior reflects ADHD symptoms, not a desire to annoy you or make you miserable. You probably know these things already and still occasionally feel frustrated and ignored. That’s absolutely normal. Keep in mind, though, your partner likely experiences plenty of inner turmoil themselves.

Navigating the responsibilities of work and daily life can challenge anyone, but it can prove even more emotionally draining for people living with ADHD. On top of that, they might also worry you’ll give up and leave them if they keep messing up. This can add to the stress of managing symptoms and make it even harder for them to focus.

Try asking how they feel to get more insight into their day-to-day experience. A deeper understanding of what it’s like to live with ADHD can make it easier to consider their perspective and offer compassion instead of criticism. It can also help you focus less on specific behaviors and more on them as a whole person — the person you love and admire.

Work on communication:

Misunderstandings and miscommunications can create problems in any relationship, but communication difficulties commonly show up in relationships affected by ADHD. A lack of clear communication can make it challenging to understand each other’s perspectives, leading you into a cycle of conflict.

Forgetfulness and procrastination can make you feel neglected and ignored. If they seem distracted or disinterested when you talk with them, you might assume they don’t care about what you have to say. On one hand, it is important to talk to your partner about how you feel.

Above all, remember that respect is key. While it’s OK to ask your partner to do specific things or remind them about important responsibilities, doing so with consideration and kindness can make all the difference.

Find solutions for specific problems:

It’s natural to want to support your partner, but it’s just not possible to anticipate every potential concern. It’s also not realistic (or helpful) for you to manage every aspect of their life. Instead, it can help to practice a “take it as it comes” attitude. Once you notice a problem, bring it up and work to find a solution together.

Let’s say they have a habit of sitting down to draw whenever they have a few spare minutes before heading out somewhere. Usually, they lose track of time and end up running late. You might encourage them to either set a reminder alarm before they pick up their pencil, or avoid drawing just before heading out the door. If this strategy works, they might feel motivated to apply it to other situations on their own.

Figure out what works for them:

Time management and scheduling apps help plenty of people better manage ADHD symptoms, but not everyone finds technology useful. Similarly, leaving notes around the house for your partner could help jog their memory. But they could also see your notes as passive-aggressive reminders of their forgetfulness, or an attempt to manage them 24/7.

Instead of urging your partner to use a specific strategy, explore available options together. If they don’t like Post-It notes, maybe you offer to help them try out scheduling apps instead. When they let you know something doesn’t work for them, respect their decision.

Learn to let some things go:

You can’t change or control your partner. Building a healthy, thriving relationship means accepting them as they are, just as you want them to accept you. Instead of focusing on what goes wrong, make more of an effort to recognize the things you value and appreciate about them: the way they make you laugh, their intelligence and creativity, your shared dreams for the future.

Create boundaries:

Boundaries are important in every relationship. Setting boundaries means outlining specific things you will and won’t accept. This makes it easier to protect your emotional energy and get your needs met. Boundaries also help you set limits around your own behavior, so you can better support your partner.

Establish your support network:

It’s healthy to prioritize your partner and the needs of your relationship, but it’s just as important to maintain supportive friendships. While you may not want to share every detail about your partner with friends and family, it can help a lot to know loved ones are there to support you.

When you feel stressed and need a break, you might meet a friend for a hike or jog. When your partner gets caught up in a project, you might drop in on family instead of feeling lonely at home. Make time for what you enjoy, even if your partner doesn’t join you.

Counseling can also help, even if you don’t experience mental health symptoms yourself. Therapy offers a safe and private space to talk about relationship concerns and explore strategies for working through them.

Conclusion:

Treatment can improve ADHD symptoms, but it won’t completely eliminate them. ADHD will likely remain a part of your relationship, but it doesn’t have to be a negative aspect. By exploring new ways to support each other and improving communication, you can strengthen your relationship.

Even if your partner is undergoing treatment and using coping strategies, they may still struggle with symptoms. Remember that ADHD is a chronic condition that requires ongoing support. As with any relationship, ensure you have shared goals and values. Understand how well you complement each other and find ways to be flexible together.

As long as your partner’s behaviors aren’t harming you or damaging the relationship, you can work together to build a healthy, respectful relationship. However, if your partner’s behaviors are affecting your mental health, it’s crucial to set boundaries and prioritize your self-care before dedicating time to support your partner.