Marriage is one of the most important parts of our lives. But that doesn’t mean that every marriage is successful. There are many people who go towards divorce at the very early stage of their marriage. Follow this article to learn more about what are unhappy marriage signs you’ll get divorced and how can you save your marriage from divorce?
Marriage is one of the most important parts of our lives. But according to a recent research 50% of first marriages end in divorce and 60% of second marriages end in divorce. And most of the people are likely to pursue divorce between the 1— 2 years of marriage. Getting a divorce is not a bad thing especially when your partner is abusive (emotionally or physically). But if that’s not the case then, it is possible that wife/husband have an extra marital affair or there is a misunderstanding that has led the couple towards divorce.
Marriage is like a gamble. You don’t know what to expect especially in the start. The first year is extremely tricky, both the partners are still learning about each other. They are trying to deal with the massive change that has happened in their lives. Some people are trying to give their best for their marriage for the sake of their families (which is still true unfortunately). You have to deal with many problems, no matter how many years you have been married; the first year is always the hardest.
Follow this article to explore more about what unhappy marriage signs that you’ll get divorced and how you can save your marriage from divorce?
Table of Contents
What is an unhappy marriage?
Marriage requires hard work. It needs your time, trust, understanding, and care. No marriage has ever worked where one of the partner’s does not even care about the other. The first and second years of a marriage are tricky because you don’t know what to expect. You are still adjusting and learning the ropes. It is a blessing to have a partner who is understanding and caring. Someone who will give you time to adjust in your new home.
But if you are in a marriage where having a partner feels like having a dictator on your head. Then, things might not go smoothly. When you are living with someone who doesn’t care for you or listen to what you have to say then, you will feel unhappy with how your marriage has turned out to be. Being in an unhappy marriage where you feel like your opinion does not matter, whatever you say is not going to make a difference, your life partner seems like a stranger, and there are some unresolved issues in your marriage; this type of marriage can give you longitudinal stress and depression.
You will start questioning your worth and every dream will seem impossible to you. Normally these types of marriages end up in divorce, but there may be cases when a person is reluctant for divorce and still wants to be in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of their families. Every marriage has its highs and lows and no one in their right mind will go for a divorce at the minor inconvenience. But if your relationship has no future, you feel as if you two are great individually but together you don’t work well. Then, there is no harm in separation.
What are unhappy marriage signs you’ll get divorced?
Every marriage has its ups and downs but when a person decides to end their relationship and go for divorce then, it means something might have happened. You don’t associate yourself with an unhappy marriage overnight. There are signs which are always present, you might have overlooked them in the start. But sooner or later these signs can end your marriage.
- Lack of intimacy
- Self doubt
- Domestic violence
- No effort
- Trash talk
- You don’t have enough time for each other
- Communication gap
- Unrealistic expectations
- No compromising
- You are not on the same page
- Lack of respect
- Fighting more frequently
- Extra marital affair
Lack of intimacy:
One of the most obvious signs that your marriage is falling apart is when your partner shows no interest in intimacy. You both don’t talk about it and no one feels like initiating the sex. When both the partners are not communicating about this issue then, this will get serious with each passing day and it may result in adultery.
Self doubt:
Staying in an unhappy marriage can cause self doubt and longitudinal stress. When you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t care for you, who doesn’t listen to what you have to say, and doesn’t respect you or your opinions then you will get stressed and start questioning yourself. This will end in self doubt and depression.
Domestic violence:
Domestic violence is one of the major causes for an unhappy marriage. Living with someone who shows off his/her dominance over you by hitting you, punching you, or slapping you is one of the major reasons why people are in an unhappy marriage. People suffering from domestic violence have to stay in that relationship because the abuser has completely taken over their lives.
No effort:
It is normal to feel sad in a marriage, there are many ups and downs but you have to make some effort to keep your marriage healthy. It is not a wife’s job to make all the efforts for her husband and it is not the husband’s job to surprise his wife every time. Both of them should make equal efforts if they want to ensure a happy marriage.
Trash talk:
When you bad mouth your wife or your husband in front of your family and friends then it means you have no respect for them. It might start as harmless humor but there is always an underlying meaning to it.talking bad about your spouse is a sign of an unhappy marriage.
You don’t have enough time for each other:
You don’t have to be around each other 24/7 but that doesn’t mean you stop spending time with each other. With hectic jobs it is nearly impossible to see your family members most of the time, but it is all about the effort that you are willing to make. When two people who are in an intimate relationship like marriage, and you are not able to see your partner for weeks. Then, this might cause an unhappy marriage.
Communication gap:
When two different personalities start living together they are bound to make mistakes. But if you are not learning from your mistakes and both of you have closed yourselves from each other then, there is a high chance that both the partners are living with a big communication gap that might cause misunderstandings in the future.
Unrealistic expectations:
If one of the partner’s is living in their own lala land and has some unrealistic expectations from their marriage then, it can disturb the other person. You will forever stay in an unhappy marriage because according to you, your partner is not fulfilling his/her responsibilities.
No compromising:
If two people who are living together through marriage are not ready to listen to each other then, it can cause them an unhappy life. Both the partner’s must realize that for their marriage to work they should be open to discussions. They should work as a team, both of them must listen to what the other person has to say and respect their opinions.
You are not on the same page:
When two people are in a marriage, one of them has a very detailed future plan but sometimes it is not possible that both the partner’s are on the same page. For a marriage to work both husband and wife must talk to each other and must get on the same page if they want their marriage to be a happy and successful marriage.
Lack of respect:
For any relationship to work, respect is the key element. If there is no respect between two people who are in an intimate relationship like marriage then, there is no future of that marriage. For a marriage to work successfully both the partner’s must have mutual respect for one another.
Fighting more frequently:
When husband and wife don’t get along and start fighting even at the slightest inconvenience then, there is no future of that marriage. You cannot even talk to each other properly without ending the conversation in a fight. This will result in an unhappy marriage.
Extra marital affair:
The deal breaker of any relationship is infidelity. When there is no loyalty and trust in a relationship then, there is no future of that relationship. Being in an extra marital affair will end your marriage in the blink of an eye.
What are the consequences of staying in an unhappy marriage?
If you are willing to stay in an unhappy marriage then you must be open to face the consequences of staying in an unhappy marriage. Following are some of the consequences that you are going to face:
- Negative impact on kids
- Longitudinal stress
- Low self esteem
- Conflict
- Less chance of being happy
Negative impact on kids:
If you are willing to stay in an unhappy marriage then it is a high chance that you are doing it for the kids. You don’t want your kids to grow up without either of their parents. But there is a high chance that it is going to negatively impact your kids. When they grow up in a household where their parents are constantly fighting and are not happy in their marriage then, there is a possibility that in their future they might face the same problems.
Longitudinal stress:
When you are in an unhappy marriage then you might get depression, anxiety, and stress. With the constant fighting and feeling of worthlessness then, you will have to deal with longitudinal stress. It can negatively impact your mental and physical health.
Low self esteem:
When you are in an unhappy marriage where your partner doesn’t respect you and gives no regard towards your opinion then, you will start feeling low on your self esteem and you will feel stressed and depressed. When you have no one to talk and share your feelings with then you will question your worth and it can affect your mental health.
Conflict:
When you are in an unhappy marriage where your partner doesn’t respect you or your opinions then, you are bound to have conflicts. When you prefer to stay in an unhappy marriage then you should be prepared to have conflicts on every little thing with your partner.
Less chance of being happy:
Unhappy marriage can take away your chance of being happy at life. When you live with someone who doesn’t talk to you properly and is neglecting you constantly then, you will be unhappy for your entire marriage.
How can you save your marriage from divorce?
When you are at the stage of your marriage where you realize that you are in an unhappy marriage and you want to save your marriage from divorce then, following are some of the steps that you can take one step at a time.
- Relax
- Discuss what’s wrong
- Make some changes
- One problem at a time
- Focus on the positive
- Believe in forgiveness
- Try marriage counseling
- Question yourself
- Listen to each other
- Speak your heart
- Respect each other
- Remember your good times
- Acceptance
- Break the conflict
- Give each other space
Relax:
Whenever you feel like it is getting too much for you to handle and no matter what you do, you keep getting back to square one then, you should take a time out and relax. Go outside and take a walk or talk to someone about your problems and keep an open mind while discussing your problems. Suggest the idea of taking a vacation with your spouse so you can relax and take your minds off your hectic routines.
Discuss what’s wrong:
Whenever there is an issue, discuss it with your partner and try to find a common ground. Talk to each other and share your opinions. Discuss the pros and cons of both suggestions and then come to a conclusion. Instead of fighting and cursing each other both the partners should have an open discussion.
Make some changes:
You should be open to change. You should keep looking for different things to try for your relationship to keep the spark. And don’t sit back waiting for the other person to make the first move, make your move and you will witness a change in your partner as well. If you don’t do anything about it then, you might regret it later in your life.
One problem at a time:
You will have to face many ups and downs in your marriage and instead of facing them if you choose to back off then, it is not the right thing to do. Whatever your problems are; one or a hundred, you must solve them one problem at a time. This will make your head and your heart feel light.
Focus on the positive:
You and your partner are bound to make mistakes. You are humans, not angels. But instead of highlighting every bad move your partner makes, you must appreciate them for any positive thing that they do. Tell them you admire their positive qualities and you wish there were more people like them.
Believe in forgiveness:
Never hold a grudge for your partner. Move on from the past mistakes and believe in forgiveness. Try giving them a second chance and talk to them about it. Discuss the matter and find a solution. This will be good for your mental health as well.
Try marriage counseling:
It is not a bad thing if you are willing to try marriage counseling. A professional help can make you look at things from a different perspective. Open up about your problems, share it with your counselor and you start to feel good about it. It will also give you an insight on what your partner really thinks and then you can make a decision according to that.
Question yourself:
You have to understand that you are not always right, you cannot be right all the time. So next time you have a conflict with your partner, just think from their point of view as well and then weigh the pros and cons of that situation. There is a possibility that whatever they are saying might be right for the situation at hand.
Listen to each other:
Communication gap is one of the biggest issues in a marriage that can end in divorce. Talk to each other about your day, discuss your daily routine, and ask for your partner’s opinion on different matters. It will make them feel like a part of your daily life. Also whenever you are in a conflict, instead of replying first listen to what the person has to say.
Speak your heart:
Never shy away from speaking what’s in your mind. Tell the other person what you want, share your thoughts and your opinions, and talk to them about anything that is disturbing you. Bottling up your feelings and thoughts inside of you can never help. Always remember that communication is the key.
Respect each other:
Respect is the most important element of any relationship. When two people don’t respect each other then, they can never love each other. To put it simply, when your partner does not care about you and respect you as a human then it is a sign of an unhappy marriage.
Remember your good times:
Whenever you and your partner are in a conflict then, you must always remember the good times that you have spent together. It will give strength and courage to move on from the hard times. Focus on the positive aspects of life and move on.
Acceptance:
Accept your partner just the way they are. When you try to change someone, you change the person you fell for. Acceptance is very important in a marriage. You should accept your partner’s mistakes and their flaws. Communicate with them and have a detailed heart to heart conversation with your partner.
Break the conflict:
When you and your partner are in a conflict about something it is better that one of you should keep calm and take time out. Go out for a walk and clear your head, try to see things from your partner’s point of view, weigh the pros and cons, and talk to your partner about the issue.
Give each other space:
Giving each other space is extremely important. Everyone deserves their own privacy and sometimes things may get overwhelming for you. So, it is natural for anyone to want some peace and quiet time.
Conclusion:
Every marriage has its ups and downs and nobody goes for a divorce at the minor inconvenience. But when the water goes above your head then, divorce is a much better option rather than living in an unhappy marriage. Your marriage will not start going downhill all of a sudden, there are signs present right from the start; signs that this marriage will be an unhappy one unfortunately.
According to research, 50% of the people change their decision about wanting to get a divorce in the middle of divorce proceedings. People realize that they are making a huge mistake and instead of giving up on their marriage, both the partner’s opt for giving each other a second chance. But if even after a second chance you are not happy then it’s better for you to separate yourself rather than living in an unhappy marriage.
