When a person tries to protect themselves from the pain and rejection whilst they are in a relationship then, it means that they are guarding their heart in a relationship. Follow this article to learn more about why a person guards their heart in a relationship and what are some ways of guarding your heart in a relationship.
Being in a relationship is never easy, you have to experience so many ups and downs. Dealing with the hurdles in a relationship is different for everyone. Some people deal with their problems more emotionally while others have a more practical approach towards their problems. But most of the time when things get a little too much for a person then, they might close themselves from people. They will isolate themselves and spend some time alone, this means they are guarding their heart in a relationship. They are protecting themselves from any pain or rejection.
There is nothing wrong in trying to protect your heart from any sort of pain. You are just a human who is trying to look after yourself and there is nothing wrong in it. When you are guarding your heart in a relationship then, it might mean that you have experienced something like this in the past which is why you have built up these walls around your heart. This is just to protect you from any pain.
Follow this article to explore more about why a person guards their heart in a relationship and what are some ways of guarding your heart in a relationship.
Table of Contents
Why does a person guard their heart in a relationship?
Every person has their own way of dealing with things, some people deal with it by talking about it openly while some people isolate themselves and spend some time alone with their thoughts. There are many reasons why a person will try to guard their heart even when they are in a relationship. Following are some reasons why a person might guard their heart in a relationship.
- Past relationship
- Failed marriage of parents
- Trust issues
- They have been bullied
- They had no one to talk to while growing up
- They have insecurities
- They have been abused
- They are not in a healthy relationship
Past relationships:
If a person has been in a relationship in the past that did not go well then, it will surely leave a mark. A person will isolate themselves and they will build these walls around their heart just to protect themselves. They do it because they want to protect themselves from the pain. They do not want to go through that experience again. That is why they guard their heart and they do not let anyone else get too close to them.
Failed marriage of parents:
Our parent’s marriage is something that we all look up to. They are the first couple we see and we take notes from them, subconsciously. Whatever they do, we also practice the same thing. But when someone has experienced the failed marriage of their parent’s then, it is natural for them to enjoy isolation more than being with someone else. They do it because they are protecting themselves from the same pain their parents went through. This is another one of the major reasons why a person might guard their heart in a relationship.
Trust issues:
Having serious trust issues can also result in a person guarding their heart. If a person has been cheated on previously or they have been lied to in their previous relationship then, it is natural for them to develop trust issues. These trust issues will not let a person have another relationship for a significant amount of time. A person will always have a doubt on their partner and initially they will not be able to open themselves because of their trust issues. These trust issues can lead a person to guard their heart when it comes to relationships.
They have been bullied:
Any person who has been bullied as a child or as a teenager will always prefer isolation than being around people. Being lonely will provide them a sense of comfort, that no one is going to hurt them now. But when they are around people then, they will always fear for their safety. They will think that every person is going to harm them. So, to protect themselves they do not let people in and they always have their guard up. This is because they do not want to experience that same pain again.
They had no one to talk to while growing up:
Another reason for a person to guard their heart is that they never had anyone to talk to. They always stayed alone and they had no friends or siblings while growing up. This can result in them living their life in isolation. They do not know how to lower their walls down or how to talk to someone. Which is why they do not talk to anyone and they always have their guard up even if they are in a relationship.
They have insecurities:
Most of the time when a person prefers isolation rather than being around people and talking to them, the reason is that they are just trying to protect themselves and hide their insecurities. They prefer not to voice their insecurities and thoughts because they are afraid that people might make fun of them. To avoid that, they build walls around themselves so none could hurt them.
They have been abused:
This is another one of the major reasons why a person guards their heart is that they have been through something much worse in the past, like an abuse. The after effects of an abuse can stay with a person their entire life. So, one of the ways to deal with abuse is isolation. The victim builds walls so high around themselves so no one would be able to hurt them. It is not easy for the victim of an abuse to be in a relationship. A lot of patience is needed from their partner’s. It is never easy for the victim of any form of abuse to trust again.
They are not in a healthy relationship:
Another reason why a person might be guarding his/her heart in a relationship is that they are not in a healthy relationship. They are stuck in a relationship with someone who abuses them or someone who does not care about them and this relationship at all. This is another one of the reasons why a person guards their heart and does not share their feelings and thoughts with anyone. They do it to protect themselves from further pain and they do not want anyone to hurt them so, they have their guards up.
What are some ways of guarding your heart in a relationship?
Guarding your heart whilst being in a relationship may not be easy. But it is not something wrong, you are just trying to protect yourself from being hurt. You do not want to experience the same hurt again like they have been hurt before. If you want to guard your heart in a relationship then, following are some ways of guarding your heart in a relationship.
- Love yourself
- Stay true to your expectations
- Take your time
- Be with someone you care about
- Do not ignore the red flags
- Listen to your partner
- Always be realistic
- Always remember your likes and dislikes
- Try not to isolate yourself
Love yourself:
It is important that you understand that self love is extremely important. If you are not going to love yourself then, how can you expect someone else to do it for you? It is understandable that you want to protect yourself from the pain, but it is also important for you to love yourself. And isolating yourself and not talking about your feelings is never an option. So, instead of isolating yourself, try protecting yourself by loving yourself.
Stay true to your expectations:
Always stay true to your expectations and never be superficial about anything. It will be best for you if you stay true to yourself. You know better than anyone else about what you want and you know what your heart truly wants. Which is exactly why you must stay true to yourself and this will also help you guard your heart.
Take your time:
It is important that you understand that you must not rush into anything. Take your time and think critically about each and every aspect of your relationship. Take one step at a time and do not put too much pressure on yourself. If you keep on thinking about the same thing over and over again then, you will only drain yourself mentally and emotionally and you will only isolate yourself more. So, to avoid that you should not rush into anything and take your time. Make any decision regarding your relationship only after analyzing it from different perspectives.
Be with someone you care about:
Always be with someone you care about. This will also help you think about things from their perspective. You would be able to open up with them easily. It will make things easy for you, you would be able to share your thoughts with them. You will not feel isolated anymore and you will always know what to expect from them.
Do not ignore the red flags:
It is extremely important for you to look for any red flags in your relationship. Never ignore the negative signs that your partner is showing and do not make excuses for them. If you ignore these signs once then, they will only continue to grow more. If he is ignoring you, isolating you, or if he is being too possessive of you then, these are the red flags in a relationship that you must get rid of.
Listen to your partner:
It is important for you to listen to what your partner has to say. You should understand that communication is the key for any relationship. You should always communicate your thoughts and feelings with your partner. Keeping things to yourself will only make your thoughts more jumbled. Talk to your partner, tell them how you feel and always listen to their side of the story.
Always be realistic:
One of the most important things that you must do is to attach yourself with reality. Do not daydream about everything and understand that life is not always unicorns and rainbows. You have to stay in the present and critically analyze each and everything before you make any decision regarding your relationship or any other aspect of your life.
Always remember your likes and dislikes:
Never compromise on your likes and dislikes. Remember them and make your choices according to your comfort level. This will help you grow more and you will be able to come out of your shell. When you are comfortable in your environment only then you will be able to lower your guard. If you are in a social situation where you are not comfortable and nothing is according to your liking then, you will only make your guard high.
Try not to isolate yourself:
Another important thing for you to do, is to never isolate yourself. We all know it is easier said than done, especially when you have spent a significant amount of time being alone and not sharing anything with anyone. It will not be easy for you to open up with your partner but when you are in a relationship then, you should at least share some of your thoughts with your partner. Do not tell him everything if you don’t want to.
Conclusion:
Being in a relationship can make it challenging to protect your heart. There’s nothing wrong with safeguarding yourself; it’s a way to avoid pain and hurt. Often, people guard their hearts in relationships due to past experiences that have caused trust issues.
Perhaps your ex-partner cheated or lied, leading you to build walls around your heart for protection. Another reason for guarding your heart could be a history of loneliness, bullying, or abuse, making you prefer isolation over social interactions. These experiences can lead to guarding your heart in a relationship to shield yourself from further pain.
