Table of Contents
10. Tinder
If I asked a random sample of 100 single, 20 somethings at bars what the easiest way to use your phone to get laid was, 96 of them would say Tinder. The Tinder app is the go to “hook up” app when you’re feeling lonely, bored, or frisky. Sure there are some people on there looking for a real relationship and true love. But most are just looking for a warm body for the night. Some may point out that a frighteningly large number of women’s profiles now have some form of “no hook ups!” in their profile. But if you spend any amount of time on Tinderfessions’ profile on Twitter, you’ll realize that that’s not even close to true.
9. Pure
Marketed as “spontaneous hangouts for singles” aka hook ups, Pure aims to cut out all that boring messaging and get right down to the meeting up part. I think the most surprising thing about this app is that the name wasn’t already taken. You post a meeting request and after an hour, the request deletes itself. Kind of like if Snapchat and the casual encounters section of Craigslist had a baby. If someone says yes, you get a message and possibly syphilis. Welcome to the 21st century! So far, the app hasn’t really caught on yet but maybe with better marketing and the approaching baby season, that may change. Fingers crossed!
8. Mixologist
This app isn’t for hooking up. It’s for learning how to make drinks. Because let’s be honest, you wouldn’t have had half as much sex as you’ve had without the help of our friend alcohol. So start working on your bartending skills and don’t be afraid to bust out a melon ball or two (not those melon balls) for the ladies. In fact, you’ll probably just want to focus on drinks involving sugar rimmed glasses and fruit flavored liqueurs. If you can get a girl back to your place and put a sex on the beach in her hand…well you know where this is going.
7. Down
This is another dating app and we’re not sure if it’s genius or creepy. If you often find yourself ogling too long at your Facebook friends’ pictures, you might enjoy Down. Basically, you download the app, connect your Facebook account, and go through your friends, picking the ones you would be down to hook up with. If they are also creepy, have also downloaded the app, and have also said yes to your profile, Down will message you both. And so begins the super awkward what-do-we-do-now part where neither of you says anything and no one ever talks about it again. Or maybe you hook up, who knows?
6. Texting
Here’s a popular option. Instead of finding a random hook up online, why don’t you just drunk text your ex/booty call/girl you just met at the bar? The booty call is kind of a given. You’ve already done it before and both of you know, hopefully, what this relationship is. Just send a “you up?” text and go ahead and call a cab. The ex is trickier because while you’ve already crossed that bridge of hooking up, she may still remember that she hates you. It’s worth a shot either way so send her the same text. And maybe add “I miss you” somewhere in there. The girl you just met at the bar is a wild card. Were you really into her or just trying to cover your insecurities by getting any girl’s number? If it’s the latter, send her the “you up?” text. If you think you might want to date her, go ahead and send the same text. Just be nicer about it. Basically, any text that you send to a girl after 11pm should start with “you up?”.
5. Plenty Of Fish/Match.com
This one should be self explanatory. Girls on these dating sites are looking for a partner. And while they are looking for Mr. Right, you can be Mr. Right Now. I know this is a gross generalization and some will say is demeaning. But facts are facts. And at 2am, any opportunity to talk to a female that may, in the slightest possibility, result in sex, should be explored.
4. Pictures
Here’s a fun fact: Girls love looking at themselves. And besides a mirror, the best way to do that is with pictures. So offer to take a picture of a group of girls for them (with their phone. Otherwise that’s just super sketchy). Or ask them to take a picture of you and your friends. Or ask if they’ll be in a picture with you and your friends because…reasons. It really doesn’t matter. Pictures are just a great icebreaker. And as a added bonus, they help you remember what that girl who you are texting looks like. This happens way more than you would imagine.
3. Uber
You can have all the game in the world but unless you want to hook up in a bathroom stall or behind a dumpster, you better get that girl home, either yours or hers. And at this point, you probably aren’t good to drive. In comes another app to the rescue. Use Uber to get her back to your place or hers (and for a fraction of the price of a cab). They even have town cars available if you really want to impress her.
2. Snapchat
I’m not sure if “sexting” only applies to text messages or if pictures and videos are included. Either way, Snapchat is the way to do it. Messages are on a timer so, ideally, they won’t be used against you on some seedy website frequented by perverts. I’m told dick pics work well. I don’t see how that would arouse a woman but I’m not attracted to men so dick pic away!
1. Call a Hooker
When all else fails, use your phone for what it was originally created for and call up an “escort” service to get your rocks off. We don’t judge. Oh, but it’s illegal. Maybe she’ll just hold you and sing you lullabies.
