Why An Alcoholic Cannot Love? What Are The Things You Need To Know If You Are Dating An Alcoholic?

Being addicted to alcohol can have some serious effects on both you and your partner. If your partner is an alcoholic then, there is a high chance that you will be in an unstable relationship. Follow this article to learn more about why an alcoholic cannot love and things you need to know if you are dating an alcoholic.

Many people consume alcohol to fit in a social situation and drinking alcohol might give you temporary confidence to deal with certain things, but using it regularly and consuming it in the long run can ruin your health and the different relationships you have. Alcohol can mess up your brain activity, it can give you high inhibitions and it can also make a person abusive. A person who is under the influence of alcohol can often come across as destructive and abusive.

Every relationship has its ups and downs, but being in a relationship with an alcoholic is really hard. You have no stability in your relationship, you are constantly afraid about their health, they waste money on alcohol, under the influence of alcohol they verbally abuse you, and they are destructive as a person. Being an alcoholic can severely affect you and your relationships.

Follow this article to learn more about why an alcoholic cannot love and things you need to know if you are dating an alcoholic.

Why an alcoholic cannot love?

Alcohol can ruin a person’s ability to do anything. Especially if a person is consuming alcohol like their life depends on it. A person consumes alcohol to get a boost of confidence in any situation but when it becomes a routine then, it not just affects you but it also affects people around you. An alcoholic will have a hard time keeping their relationships because of their unstable behavior. Following are the reasons why an alcoholic cannot love.

  • Someone who is alcoholic will be codependent
  • They don’t love themselves
  • An alcoholic will be emotionally unavailable
  • They love their bottle more than their partner
  • An alcoholic is often diagnosed with King Baby Syndrome
  • Alcoholism is expensive
  • Legal risks
  • Destructive nature

Someone who is alcoholic will be codependent:

Being in a codependent relationship is never healthy. You start to lose love and respect in your relationship. People who are alcoholic will always use love as a manipulation factor rather than a feeling. An active alcoholic will always try to get out of situations by using love as a weapon, for them it is not an endearment.

They don’t love themselves:

A person who consumes alcohol like their life depends on it then, they lose themselves in alcohol completely. It will negatively impact their physical, emotional, and mental health. A person who does not take care of his/her health and just drinks away their problems, does not love themselves either. If you are in a relationship and you do not even love yourself then, how can someone expect love from you?

An alcoholic will be emotionally unavailable:

Being there for your partner emotionally is one of the most important things in a relationship. But when you are an alcoholic then, you would always try to ignore what is happening around you and always drink away their troubles. An alcoholic will try to fill their voids with alcohol. It is going to negatively affect you and your partner, this will cause your relationship to be extremely unstable.

They love their bottle more than their partner:

An alcoholic will find it hard to let go of their love, which is their bottle. They want nothing else than being drunk. If an alcoholic is in a relationship then, there is a chance he will not be able to love his partner because for him, their alcohol means more and no matter how many times they promise their partner’s that they will let go of this habit, they always break their promise and go back to drinking like their life depends on it.

An alcoholic is often diagnosed with King Baby Syndrome:

A person who actively consumes alcohol is often labeled as a narcissist and a self centered person. They do not love anything else other than themselves and their bottle. According to research, most alcoholics are diagnosed with King Baby Syndrome, which means they will want to be the center of attention through manipulation and playing the victim. They will act on an impulse and they will never think about the consequences of their actions.

Alcoholism is expensive:

The biggest reason why an alcoholic cannot love is their financial instability. They will waste money on their drinks but not on their future. For them everything they want and desire, is in that bottle. Having financial independence can be beneficial for you and your relationship. You will be able to get new things and visit new places with your partner, but for an alcoholic, having money only means one thing, that they can buy themselves another bottle to drink from.

Legal risks:

The biggest problem for any alcoholic is that most of the time they get into trouble while still being under the influence of alcohol. When they are drunk, they won’t pay much attention to what they are doing, for them everything is the same and when they come back to their senses, it is too late.

Destructive nature:

Consuming alcohol can make any person lose their senses, they will be more aggressive than normal. This aggression will result in destruction. An alcoholic can be abusive when they are under the influence of alcohol. They have the tendency to abuse their partner’s verbally, physically, or sexually under the influence of alcohol.

How does alcohol impact a relationship?

It is a fact that alcohol impacts a relationship in all the wrong ways. Things will go downhill in a relationship if your partner is an alcoholic. Your partner will feel frustrated and hopeless in this situation. Following are some ways in which alcohol impacts a relationship.

  • There is no support in the relationship
  • Physical danger
  • Difficulty in ending the relationship
  • Unstable living situation
  • Difficulty in socializing at home
  • Alcohol makes you irresponsible
  • Alcohol can cause sexual dysfunction
  • Alcohol can cause serious health problems

There is no support in the relationship:

An alcoholic will have a hard time showing support, love, and care towards their partner’s. This situation can be challenging and sometimes exhausting for your partner. This can make a person feel resentful, hopeless, bitter, and helpless. Being in a relationship with an alcoholic will make a person drained emotionally and mentally.

Physical danger:

An alcoholic can be a danger towards their partner’s. They can lose control of themselves and they can do anything under the influence of alcohol. An alcoholic can be verbally, emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive. You have no idea when they are going to strike and after everything is done, they will have no clue about it and they will act like nothing happened.

Difficulty in ending the relationship:

Time and again, the partner will feel like giving up and walking out of that relationship. But it might not be easier for them. Your alcoholic partner might not want you to give up just yet, they will try to use love as a weapon and manipulate you into staying with them.

Unstable living situation:

If your partner spends all of their money on buying drinks and they do not show you any support or love whatsoever then, it can lead to an extremely unstable relationship. Your partner does not listen to you and no matter how many times you tell them to quit drinking, they will always find a way to not listen to you. Their alcoholic nature also gets them in legal trouble as they are not in their senses under the influence of alcohol.

Difficulty in socializing at home:

If your partner is not in his senses most of the time because of drinking alcohol then, it can be extremely difficult for you to continue your relationship. You cannot have a proper conversation with your partner because they love their bottle more than you. Their priority is their alcohol and not you.

Alcohol makes you irresponsible:

If your partner is an alcoholic then, there is a high chance that they are irresponsible. The only thing they care about is their alcohol and nothing else. No matter how serious the situation gets, they will always drink their responsibilities away. They will never participate in anything, they will never socialize with you and even if they do go out with you, their entire focus would be on their drink.

Alcohol can cause sexual dysfunction:

Alcohol can boost your sex drive if you drink it once in a blue moon but if you drink alcohol like your life depends on it then, it will cause a dysfunction in your sex drive. It can have the following effects:

  • Low sex drive
  • Erectile dysfunction
  • Decreased vaginal lubrication
  • Difficulty having an orgasm

Alcohol can cause serious health problems:

Consuming alcohol on a regular basis can give the following health problems and they can be extremely serious.

  • Liver disease
  • Kidney disease
  • High blood pressure
  • Heart problems
  • Stroke
  • Weak immune system
  • Memory problems
  • Cancer
  • Vitamin deficiencies

What are the things you need to know if you are dating an alcoholic?

If you are dating someone who is an alcoholic then, you will try to sober them up. But in between you have to be careful in this relationship. You will face many challenges and you are a part of the entire process with your partner. So, if they ever have a relapse then, you will also face the consequences. Following are some of the things you need to know if you are dating an alcoholic.

  • Stop feeling guilty
  • Do not cover up for them
  • You cannot cure your partner’s addiction
  • You cannot control them
  • Keep your expectations realistic
  • Do not put up with unacceptable behavior
  • You need help too

Stop feeling guilty:

You must remember that your partner might try to put blame on you. They might say that you nag them too much that is why they are unable to give up drinking. You have to understand that you are not responsible for their circumstances. Save yourself from feeling guilty and keep reminding yourself that alcoholism is their medical condition.

Do not cover up for them:

Never cover up for them and never make excuses for them. If they relapse then, let them face the consequences and do not make any excuse for their behavior. This way they will start acting more responsible, at least when they are in public.

You cannot cure your partner’s addiction:

You have to understand that you have no magic wand, you cannot just make them stop consuming alcohol all of a sudden. Things will take time, all you can do is be there for them and help them. You are not responsible for their actions and you should not feel guilty about anything they do.

You cannot control them:

You cannot be with your partner all the time, so if they relapse then, it is not your fault. You cannot control their actions, you can advise them and share your opinions with them but apart from that, you have no control over anything. If you try to control them then, they might take this negatively and start consuming more alcohol just to satisfy their ego. This can make everything go downhill.

Keep your expectations realistic:

Always stay in reality, your partner is not a robot that you tell him to not do something and they will willingly obey you. They have an addiction and it will take some time to get away. Even then, they won’t be able to sober up completely, there is a high chance they give into temptation and relapse. So, always keep your expectations realistic and never expect too much. Take one step at a time.

Do not put up with unacceptable behavior:

You want to be there for your partner and help him, that is great. But never compromise your respect for this relationship. Alcohol might make them behave in an unacceptable way so, you must deal with them calmly when they are under the influence but once they are sober, confront them about it and tell them how you felt at that time.

You need help too:

You are also a human. It is natural that you will feel hopeless and frustrated at times. So, it is okay to take help from a professional, it will help you a lot if you share your inner turmoil with someone. This will help you see things from a different perspective and react accordingly. You will be more calm and steady with your feelings and emotions.


An alcoholic will face many problems when they are in a relationship with someone. First and foremost is their emotional unavailability for their partner, their lack of support, they are constantly getting into legal risks, they are facing a financial strain but they have money to buy a drink for themselves, and their lack of responsibility towards everything. They will always drink their problems away, as if drinking them will make the problems disappear.

A person who is an alcoholic cannot love because there is no stability in their relationships. They will show no love and care towards their partner’s and their priority is their bottle. It can be an unhealthy and depressive relationship for both the partner’s. According to research, alcoholics are often suffering from king baby syndrome, they will always want attention and they will try to manipulate their partner by using “love”. Love is a weapon for them and not a feeling. Their partner’s will start feeling resentment and hopelessness in the relationship.