Someone’s harsh words and behavior could be hurtful to you if you were not expecting it. People are unexpected, and so are their behaviors. If you are dealing with such people, then follow this article to know what you should do when someone is mean to you for no reason.
It does not matter if the person is your friend or a stranger; when they utter mean words, they can get stuck in your mind for days. You might be figuring out the reason for their behavior because they lashed for no apparent reason. One can not keep himself away from such situations as human interaction is a part of life. In this age of social media, you can see people being mean, even on social sites, to strangers and friends.
If you have ever been in a similar situation and are wondering about the ways to deal with such people, then read on as in this article, we have covered some of the possible reasons why someone is mean to you for no reason and what techniques that can help you cope with it.
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What causes people to be mean?
When we interact with people in our daily life, their behavior toward us has a great influence on our mental health. Good behavior can have a positive effect on our mental health, while bad behavior can infuriate you and make you distressed. Someone being rude to you and disrespecting you can be a reaction to a disagreement. However, sometimes we are unable to figure out the reason behind someone’s rudeness or cold behavior.
All of us in our life have been through such situations where others behaving in a rude way has caused us distress. It can come from a friend, partner, or even a stranger, so the effect depends upon the relationship we have with that person. If it comes from someone we closely know, we will keep guessing the reason on our own and will examine our actions and words. It can even make us question our worth in the eyes of the person and ourselves.
There can be a number of reasons behind someone’s rude behavior, and we should not let their behavior affect ours unless it is a consequence of a conflict. Some of the possible reasons are listed below:
- They do not like you
- They are insecure
- Lack of basic ethics
- Hold a grudge against you
- Their life is not going well
- Response to your toxic behavior
- You are an easy target
- They are seeking attention
They do not like you
This reason can usually prevail when a person that you do not know very well is rude to you. They hold some negative feelings about you, and it gets evident in their behavior toward you. You will see them trying to make you feel bad and target your self-esteem. Some people value and respect other people based on their material status, and if they find you socially inferior to them, they will try to make you feel degraded with their words.
In this case, you need to think about your interaction with them, and if you can remember any negative encounter where your behavior has caused this hatred in their heart, then it can be resolved; otherwise, you should not feel accountable for their behavior. If it is snob behavior, then it can cause you stress.
They are insecure
When a person is insecure, it gives them a sense of satisfaction when other people around them feel bad about themselves. This is a toxic trait and can have a negative impact on the people having it and being a victim of it. They try to gain a sense of value when they make others question their self-worth.
You might have something that they want but are unable to get, such as success, a good reputation, or a happy life, so they hurt your feelings to make you feel bad about yourself. This type of feeling arises when people compare themselves with you and find something lacking in them. In this situation, it is their problem, and you should be aware of their insecurities so that their words do not harm you.
Lack of basic ethics
They do not realize the impact their words and actions can have on the other person, as they do not care about others’ feelings. They do not want to make positive ties with people around them, so they do not care if their words or actions are causing harm to others. They also lack social skills to treat people around them, and most people get hurt by their behavior. This can also be a result of poor upbringing, as some parents fail to educate their children about basic ethics and morals. Hence, their lack of social awareness and social skills makes them rude to others.
They often do not even know that they are being rude and hurting others with their actions. They also struggle with understanding social cues as they utter the words that come into their mind without contemplating the outcome of it.
Hold a grudge against you
Sometimes when you get into a conflict with someone, they hold it against you and grow hatred towards you, so when you talk to them, their hatred is reflected in their words and actions. You might be wondering the reason for this rude behavior because you might have maturely ended the argument, but they have it in their mind, which makes them angry. If you did not have any harsh argument with them, it could also be due to ideological differences that have ignited hatred in their subconscious mind.
These people think that they have superiority over you and have the power to make others do or think the way they want. When they fail to control you or win an argument, then their frustration rises up and grows inside them, which eventually comes out in the form of agony. In this situation, you need to realize that nobody should control or humiliate you in any form, and if you find it disturbing your mental peace, then you can address the issue and discuss it.
Their life is not going well
There is a possibility that it is not out of hatred but an indication of distress in their own life. If someone is nice to you and has all of a sudden started acting rude, then it has nothing to do with you or your interaction with their own personal reason. You can identify this reason by analyzing if they behave in the same way as other people as well. They clear out their frustration by treating others badly by reflecting negative emotions.
They do not know any other way to deal with their difficult emotions, so they prefer projecting undesirable feelings on someone else rather than admitting it. This behavior is a common defense mechanism called projection in psychology. However, these situations are not easy to identify and involve complexities, but they can give a sense of relief that the reason is not you.
Response to your toxic behavior
Many times we do not realize the harm our words and actions do to others, and this is how we end up hurting other people without even realizing it. It might be because of a rude comment or if you have ever ridiculed them in the past. This has given birth to hatred towards you in their heart which gets reflected in their behavior.
We should always be careful with our words because even if we do not intend to hurt others, it can still hurt someone. However, nobody has the right to be mean to someone as things can be sorted out in a calm manner. In this situation, you can analyze your past interaction with them and discuss the things misinterpreted so that neither of you has to feel bad.
You are an easy target
A person who condones aggressive behavior from others is targeted by people to let out their frustration which is why people are mean to nice people, as they can easily get away with it. Even if you are nice to people by not confronting it, they will consider you weak and will be mean to you, as some people find it an achievement to put others down. It is their inner negativity that they project on you, but your accepting such behavior quietly makes them discard your feelings.
This behavior is morally wrong as nobody holds any superiority or right to target someone for their negative feelings based on their confronting abilities. Such behavior increases if it does not get stopped, so you should remind yourself that you deserve the right treatment in society and you are capable of overcoming these negative situations. This will not only protect you from harm but will also discourage them from targeting other people that you find weak.
They are seeking attention
This includes all the negative people who only care about their feelings, and that is why they want everyone around to give them attention. When they are not given attention, they will indirectly seek it by being mean to you so that you notice them and think about them. These types of people never get satisfied as the moment they see attention shifting to someone or something else, they will create a situation to divert it to them.
Nobody else is worthy of attention in their eyes, and this makes them toxic. Because creating such situations can include rumors and unnecessary drama that can hurt other people. It is better to maintain a safe distance from these people, but there can be situations where dealing with them becomes necessary. For instance, if you have a classmate that is always seeking attention and is added to your group for a project, then you need to make sure that they do not divert the attention to their drama and that only meaningful discussion takes place.
How to deal with mean people?
It is most of the time difficult for us to identify the actual reason behind someone’s behavior, especially if we are not closely related to the person. It is a complex situation where one can never know if they are doing it intentionally or unintentionally. However, existing in this world requires us to interact with people, and you can not control the behavior of every single person that you interact with.
You might also not be able to discuss the issue with the person. In any of these situations, your reaction toward the hate you get and your coping strategy can play a significant role in dealing with this situation. This behavior should never be accepted or encouraged, even if it is unintentional because it can give people leverage to continue it with other people around them. If you deal with it in an appropriate manner, it will not only save you from unnecessary trouble but also secure your peace of mind. Some of the ways to deal with this situation are listed below:
- Confront the person
- Do not let it disturb your mental peace
- Break the chain
- Don’t stay stuck there
- Show empathy
- Avoid them
Confront the person
Confronting someone for their rude behavior is the first thing you should do, as it will help you find out the reason behind their behavior. Moreover, it will also convey a message to the other person that you are noticing their behavior and do not accept it because it is disturbing your mental health.
Confronting also depends on the relationship you have with that person: if he/she is a friend or you are bound to interact with them frequently, you can ask them for a quiet chat and then convey your concerns. If there is a misunderstanding behind it, you will get a chance to clear it up, and if they have no idea about the effect of their behavior, then through your confrontation, they will realize their fault.
In case the person is not your friend and only encounters you because you are in the same class or work environment, then your confrontation should be brief so that if they dislike you because of jealousy or insecurity, it does not provide them unnecessary attention, which can be their objective.
Do not let it disturb your mental peace
It can be very demeaning to see someone treating you badly, especially when you do not expect nor have you caused them any harm. It needs exceptional maturity and a strong coping mechanism. It is human nature to get affected by the environment and behaviors of people around you, but it is a skill that everyone should learn so that no rude comments or behavior get on your nerves.
Most people keep thinking about it, and it damages their self-esteem because they can not confront the other person. Moreover, you might not want to reciprocate their rudeness with further negativity, so what you can do is use your positive attitude to deal with their rudeness. Showing positivity does not mean that you encourage such behavior but shift your focus on your own energy and health rather than giving it importance by continuously thinking about it.
It will also make them realize that their efforts did not do any harm to you as you have bounced back stronger with good vibes.
Break the chain
Rudeness can spread and influence more people without them realizing it. For instance, if a person is mean to you because they were having a bad day can influence you to adopt the same behavior and be mad when you are in a bad mood to someone who is not responsible for your mood. This chain can keep spreading like a chain, including more people in this toxic behavior.
You have the power to break this chain so that people around you can get influenced by you in a positive way. It takes a mature mind to realize the impact of their words on other people as it is not easy to deal with someone’s rudeness and not let it affect you, but it is the best thing you can do to not let it harm anyone, including you.
Don’t stay stuck there
Do not keep thinking about it, as there can be any childish reason behind someone’s insensitive comment. Somebody’s behavior and words are actually a reflection of their own personality, and it does not define their worth. Some people even do it for pleasure, as making others feel bad gives them pleasure.
You should make yourself understand that it is not your fault, so you should not waste your energy on someone’s behavior. Every human must have been through such a situation, and if you already have low self-esteem, it can affect you harder, but the key is to realize that you should not suffer for somebody else’s mean behavior.
People are dealing with many things in their daily lives, so if a person who is talkative and friendly starts acting mean one day, it can be because of a personal problem that is disturbing their peace of mind. For this reason, they might not be acting the same way you expected. This situation can often occur with your close friend, colleague, or family member, and it hurts you to see them behave in this way.
Being a friend, you can have a chat with them about this behavior and ask them to share their feelings if they want, as you care about them. Your empathy can make them realize the rudeness in their behavior and turn their mindset. Let them know that humans can sometimes find it difficult to control their emotions, and it is ok to feel bad, but it should not overtake your relationship with friends.
Some people are stubborn and are not ready to accept or realize their mistakes, even if you confront them. They will instead use this opportunity to create more fuss about it, so the best thing to do in that situation is to maintain a distance and not interact with such people. You can use this energy to do something better rather than ruining your day over an insensitive comment, constantly analyzing the reason, what was said, and how you should have reacted at that moment.
Distance yourself and do not interact with them, as being around negativity can affect your productivity, so walking away from those people can save you from the damage. You can not force someone to change if they do not want to, so do not stress over them realizing their mistake or if they can change it for you. If the person is not very close to you, it can be easier for you to avoid them, but if the person is your close friend or family member, then they will eventually realize their mistake.
All of us humans have been in a situation where we have to interact with people and their unexpected behaviors. No matter how you tell yourself that we should only radiate positivity, someone’s rudeness can affect our mood, and if the words are really harsh, it can make us question our self-worth too. There are some techniques that you should carry out to make sure their harsh treatment does not stick with you and cause you harm.
These techniques include calming yourself, confronting the person and not letting anybody feel that you are an easy target to let out their frustration upon, focusing on your own positivity, empathizing with them if they are themselves in a vulnerable position, and creating boundaries with them so that their negativity does not affect your energy. Nobody has the right to be mean to someone under any circumstances, and people should also not encourage such behavior, even if it is their immature attitude.