Tired of being around him all the time, flowering him with compliments and showering him with all your love yet he doesn’t make the move you want? Read this article to crack the code behind his behavior and know why a man likes you but doesn’t want a relationship with you
You’ve pretty much-done everything “serious” couples do. You’ve traveled together, met each other’s friends, and perhaps even met each other’s families. Despite this, you’re still in the limbo that exists between relationship and courtship.
When you spend a large amount of time with a guy, and things appear to be going well, but all of a sudden when you want to advance the relationship he just simply rejects you. This can be one of the most frustrating situations for any woman. It can leave you completely perplexed. You will keep questioning the situation thinking what does this imply?
Being with a person who is just not ready to take the plunge into something stable and long-term can make your self-esteem take the downhill road. You might start wishing that you want to leave him but then again your feelings for him would not let you take that step. Such a situation can be extremely detrimental for you and act as a wall for you in terms of moving forward.
If you are in a difficult position regarding your love life and finding it difficult to find an answer to your problems then follow this article to answer your somber questions regarding what to do when a man likes you but doesn’t want a relationship and what should you do when he likes you but doesn’t want a relationship?
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The 22 signs when a man likes you but doesn’t want a relationship
The beginning of a relationship can be a lot of fun, but it can also be challenging because it’s not always clear what the other person wants. Are they merely having fun or do they want something serious?
Even though you can’t make them change their minds, you can tell if they’re actually interested in you. The best solution is to look for the signs of when a man likes you but doesn’t want a relationship to avoid wasting any of your valuable time. If the man you’re dating exhibits any of the following behaviors, he probably isn’t searching for a long-term relationship.
- He doesn’t ask about the future
- He has a poor memory
- He only sees you when it suits him
- He refuses to be labeled
- He is not advancing the relationship
- His career seems to be his obsession
- He doesn’t show much affection
- He recently ended a relationship
- He isn’t letting you get to know him better.
- He doesn’t make an effort to get to know you better on a personal level
- He’s a bit slothful when he texts
- When you’re physically together, he’s really into you, but otherwise, he’s not that into you
- He texts you frequently but never shows up for a date
- He keeps you out of his friends’ company
- He asks you on a date without a plan
- He continues to converse with others
- He’s had mostly short-lived or ambiguous partnerships in the past
- He is not very specific about what he is looking for
- Any discussions about defining the relationship are either avoided or dismissed by him
- He hasn’t expressed any desire to be in a relationship
- You’re constantly on edge
- You’ve been speaking for a while now with no changes
He doesn’t ask about the future
It should go without saying that a man won’t worry about the future if he isn’t actively hunting for a partner that he sees himself in the future. If a guy doesn’t inquire about your future plans or relationship objectives, you should be able to tell this right away. The fact that he is not inquiring about those thighs is not a coincidence. He’ll eventually inquire about such things if he’s willing to get serious. Do not anticipate a relationship if he is not.
He has a poor memory
To be honest, some men simply struggle with recalling anything. It happens. Many women are the same. Having said that, if he is genuinely interested in you and your relationship, he will often recall specifics about you and make an effort to get to know you.
He’ll remember how you two first met and the nature of your initial chats. Even though he seems to enjoy you, he likely has no interest in anything long-term if he has trouble recalling those specifics.
He only sees you when it suits him
The most traditional tactic for guys who prefer to keep things casual is this one. Making time for the other person is, after all, the foundation of all relationships. He is telling you everything about his goals while he doesn’t have time for you.
Relationships can’t work if your partner just wants to see you when it’s convenient for him. There is a limit to how far he is ready to let the relationship go, even if it is obvious that he likes you and he is making all the decisions regarding when he wants to see you or when you should both be meeting each other.
He refuses to be labeled
For why they dislike labels, guys have several justifications. What they’re saying, regardless of the justification they give, is that they don’t desire a committed relationship. Some guys are skilled at talking their way out of a label while still persuading you that they like you, which is the tough part.
There is no need for a guy to object to labels, though, if he is receptive to a long-term commitment. He isn’t really interested in being in a relationship if he tries to squirm out of giving your relationship a name.
Saying you “don’t do labels” cannot, therefore, serve as a substitute for talking about what you both expect from one another. You two should still be able to agree on issues such as whether you’re sexually and romantically exclusive, what you both expect from one another, and whether you want your current relationship to last
Also, you should be inquiring whether he is interested in eventually moving in together, getting married, and other similar matters. It’s acceptable to not want these things, but if he keeps you in the dark about his feelings and avoids sharing them, consider it a warning sign.
He is not advancing the relationship
Are you the only one putting effort into making plans, doing romantic gestures, and generally trying to deepen your connection? Relationships are a two-way street, and if he isn’t working with you to strengthen your relationship and try to take steps forward, it may be because he doesn’t want things to move forward.
His career seems to be his obsession
Many men dislike taking their careers and relationships seriously at the same time. Men’s tendency to compartmentalize their life is a big factor in this. Don’t expect him to become your boyfriend if you perceive that he is focused on his career. Until he does something to convince you that he wants something serious, don’t believe him even if he seems to enjoy having you around.
He doesn’t show much affection
He doesn’t show you any signs of loving or caring behavior, and he doesn’t express his feelings for you. Additionally, you aren’t anywhere to be seen on his social media, and he seldom ever discusses you in public.
He might even refrain from kissing you, holding your hand, and doing other things he usually does when you’re by yourself while you’re with a group of people. He can simply not perceive you that way if he isn’t making an effort to make you feel special and loved.
He recently ended a relationship
When a man admits that he has only recently been single, you can trust that he has no immediate plans to form another relationship. The majority of the time, this will be the case, while some guys may lie about ending a relationship to lessen expectations. This doesn’t rule out the possibility that he likes you, but it typically indicates that he doesn’t want to commit to a serious relationship.
He isn’t letting you get to know him better.
You want to pay attention to how much of himself he’s willing to divulge to you. Does he discuss his emotions with you? Does he open up much about his private life, his hopes and dreams, his worries, and his past wrongs? He might not be opening up to you because he doesn’t want to have that degree of intimacy with you.
He doesn’t make an effort to get to know you better on a personal level
Has he ever asked you about your personal life or innermost thoughts? Does he ever seem to be interested in your professional aspirations? Your work? Your family and friends? Your injuries, traumas? Or does he only nod in agreement when you discuss these topics before changing the subject?
He might not be interested in getting to know you better if he never seems interested in engaging in deeper conversations with you. Likewise, pay attention if he never recalls specifics about you or your life.
He’s a bit slothful when he texts
It suffices to say that developing a connection with you is probably not a priority for a guy if he texts you sporadically, that is if he’s kind of “hot and cold” with you one day and then doesn’t text you for three weeks. Texting with a “flat affect” is a warning sign for early dating.
They could be stiff and emotionally distant. He uses no emojis, no winks, winces, raised eyebrows, or blushes. With all the energy flowing your way, they might as well have sent you the snail emoji. The interest in a relationship may be just as one-sided as your texts if he typically replies to your texts with a single word, never strikes up a conversation, or never asks you questions.
When you’re physically together, he’s really into you, but otherwise, he’s not that into you
On the other hand, if he is affectionate and involved while you are hanging together but almost disappears outside of those real-life dates, take it as a warning sign. When spending time with someone one-on-one, some people excel at being present, expressing affection, and turning up the charm,
But this trait is more a reflection of their personality than a sign of particular romantic desire. If someone truly cares about you, they’ll try to get in touch with you, talk to you frequently, ask how your week is going, or at the very least, reply to your blasted texts.
He texts you frequently but never shows up for a date
Some people just happen to be great texters, but that doesn’t always mean they’re interested in a relationship. If he’s always blowing up your phone but never seems available to actually hang out in person, then he clearly isn’t prioritizing building a real relationship with you.
If neither of you has suggested getting together in person yet, make the first move and ask him out. If he consistently dodges, flakes, or just can’t seem to make time for you, he probably isn’t interested enough in dating you.
He keeps you out of his friends’ company
If he doesn’t want a serious relationship, he would try his best to keep you away from his friends while dating you. The first step toward a more committed relationship is typically getting to know the other person’s friends. Most guys are aware that when they get to that point, it becomes difficult to refrain from calling you their “girlfriend.” He’ll make every effort to keep you away from his friends for as long as he can if this isn’t what he wants.
He asks you on a date without a plan
This type of conduct screams “casual relationship” to us. A man will always make solid plans for when he can visit you if he is serious about you. When he suggests you should get together “sometime,” he isn’t committing to a specific time. That typically indicates that he wants to avoid doing anything too regimented. He simply wants you to be available for a casual affair when the time is right.
He continues to converse with others
Now, take this with a grain of salt. Nowadays, most people will explore multiple connections simultaneously until they find one person they want to focus on developing a meaningful relationship with, especially given the widespread usage of dating apps. But if you’ve been dating for a few weeks or even months and he’s still making romantic connections with other people, it might be because he’s already determined you’re not the one.
Not certain? Ask him whether he’s still using the apps if he’s in contact with anyone else and if he would look for a connection if a new person appeared. (Note: If you and your partner don’t want to be in a monogamous relationship, it is absolutely cool, but you should both agree on that.)
He’s had mostly short-lived or ambiguous partnerships in the past
It’s not always the case that a person’s past relationships are a good indication of what they want now or in the future, but if all of his previous “relationships” were ambiguous or short-lived and he’s been evasive about his intentions with you, those facts together suggest he’s unlikely to change his ways anytime soon.
He is not very specific about what he is looking for
He doesn’t express his desires in detail, even when you make an effort to communicate about what’s going on between the two of you. He might give you an explanation, such as that he “likes taking things slow” or “has a lot going on right now,” or he might say that he “just wants to see where things go” with the two of you.
The problem arises when statements like these are made without any mention of whether a committed relationship is ever actually on the table. Those statements may be accurate for him. The majority of the time, when asked if they are interested in a serious relationship, people are fairly honest in their responses. When you ask someone directly about it, they won’t be reluctant to answer if they want to date you seriously.
It’s frequently a sign that they aren’t that interested in you right now if they won’t express their willingness to make a commitment to you for the long term. When they feel that the other person won’t like what they hear, people frequently choose to be evasive about their intentions.
Any discussions about defining the relationship are either avoided or dismissed by him
If you’ve been chatting to or hanging out with this guy for a while, but he consistently rejects your attempts to define the relationship, that’s an indication he probably doesn’t want one. People that purposefully avoid “DTR conversation” typically do so because they prefer the ambiguity (and often the presumed nonexclusivity that comes with it).
In addition, he is already sending the message that he doesn’t want to be held accountable for meeting your expectations or tending to your emotional needs if he makes you feel guilty for wanting to clarify what is happening between you two. It shouldn’t just be you trying to find out what’s going on. If he isn’t thinking about it, it is most likely because he is not at all interested in it progressing.
He hasn’t expressed any desire to be in a relationship
Have you ever heard this guy talk about how great it is to be in a committed relationship, how great it is to have a consistent companion, and how great it is to be committed to one person? Or does he (or his pals) mock the thought that he might be in a genuine relationship?
You probably know in your gut that he’s not a “relationship guy” if the concept of him appreciating those things is at odds with what you know about him and his personality. If it hasn’t already been brought up, how does he feel about relationships? See what he says after immediately addressing him.
You’re constantly on edge
Walking on eggshells all the time around the man you’re dating is a huge warning sign. He won’t or can’t commit to you, so you’ll constantly feel like you need to earn his favor. Although you attempt to be flawless for him, this makes you insane on the inside. You can never be really honest with yourself because he might not think what you say or do is attractive.
You’ve been speaking for a while now with no changes
Fair enough, many of the aforementioned indicators may hold true in the very beginning of getting to know someone; this isn’t because you’re not interested in a relationship; rather, it’s just too early to tell. However, if you’ve been hanging out for a few weeks or even months and many of the aforementioned indicators are still present, it’s a warning that things between you are probably not going to get any better.
If he doesn’t desire a relationship, why does he continue to hang out with me?
Someone may sincerely like you even if they are not interested in developing a meaningful relationship with you. He might simply enjoy spending time with you, find you to be incredibly entertaining and engaging, and find your relationship to be perfect as it stands right now. Of course, it’s also possible that he has no special interest in you and simply enjoys the access you give him to intimacy, flirtation, and sex.
People go on casual dates for a variety of reasons, such as wanting to expand their interpersonal interactions with someone they find attractive, avoiding the emotional attachment that comes with longer-term commitments, or simply wanting to have fun. It’s common for couples to engage in casual dating until a potential long-term partner emerges; occasionally, it serves as a bridge between partnerships.
It’s crucial to keep in mind that relationships don’t necessarily require future commitments for people to enjoy connecting with one another. It’s possible that he enjoys your company or thinks you’re a terrific conversationalist even if he doesn’t think you and him make a good match romantically or in the long run.
He might not be specifically or generally looking for love right now, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to interact with the interesting and engaging individuals in his immediate environment.
What should you do when he likes you but doesn’t want a relationship?
You’ll have to abruptly entirely reevaluate everything you’ve created when someone you’re dating tells you they don’t want a relationship. Can I continue a conversation with someone who has different goals from mine? Can I persuade them to want to be in a relationship? Maybe I don’t genuinely require a relationship after all? You’ll start to doubt everything and wonder whether you’re the only one who is uncertain.
If someone isn’t ready to commit right now, they can alter their mind later, but it’s doubtful. It doesn’t matter why someone doesn’t want a relationship, but if that’s what you’re seeking, this situation can put you quite in a bind. Here’s what to do if the person you’re dating doesn’t want to be in a relationship.
- Make it clear what you want and be forthright about it
- Once you’ve established your boundaries, stick by them
- What if I decide to be casual as well, but then change my mind?
Make it clear what you want and be forthright about it
Be upfront and sincere, to begin with. Be upfront about your needs as soon as you can in a relationship (you can even mention them in your dating app profile). Being clear about what you want will help you select possible partners who don’t share your goals.
Eliminating possibilities is a better use of your time if you’re extremely clear about what you want because any option that doesn’t fit with you is an opportunity cost that prevents you from acquiring what you actually want and maybe the time you are spending with the person you are with you could be spending it with the guy of your dreams.
For a variety of reasons, many of us are reluctant to admit that we want to go serious when we start dating. To begin with, we are strong, independent individuals, and seeking love is frequently seen as “weak” or “desperate.” You could be reluctant to put yourself out there out of concern for rejection.
We frequently become preoccupied with wanting to have as many options as we can when dating. We believe that increasing the number of people we attract will increase our chances of meeting someone worthwhile. This, however, is ineffective. Only those who will share your ideals and who desire what you want should find you appealing.
Eliminating individuals is more crucial than including them because you can then concentrate on the right people and stop wasting time with the wrong ones, which can spare you a lot of misery. This way of thinking causes us to frequently be reluctant to be open about what we’re seeking out of concern that someone could reject us for not wanting the same thing.
Being honest about your preferences, though, might help you find more compatible companions. Contrary to popular belief, the more real and authentic we are to who we are, what we want, and how clear we are, the more attractive we become because most people are drawn to authenticity rather than vagueness.
Once you’ve established your boundaries, stick by them
It is a waste of time to continue dating someone who isn’t interested in a relationship if you’re actually looking for one (sad, but true!). Don’t “wait it out” for someone who may never be ready or interested in a relationship (maybe specifically with you—another painful truth) if they have established that limit. If your goal is to develop a relationship, take your partner at their word if they are upfront about not knowing when they will be prepared to commit.
Instead of being depressed by this, try to see the bright side. With each individual, you formally exclude from your dating pool, your chances of finding “the one” increase. Rather than gathering as many bad dates as you can, try to think of dating as an opportunity to get rid of the ones that don’t work out, so get thrilled when you can eliminate a rival from the game. You’re one step closer to finding someone who shares your values and goals.
What if I decide to be casual as well, but then change my mind?
If you started dating to remain casual and not searching for a relationship but discovered along the road that you were truly interested in creating a connection, be open about your feelings and, once again, stick with them. If you inform the other person you’ve realized you want more and they still want something casual, it’s time to move forward.
A schedule for when they’re ready to commit can be established if this person is more open to a relationship after you’ve been honest with them about how you’re feeling about the connection. The key to every successful conversation is excellent communication; this will ensure that you never feel as though your time is being wasted.
Should I end every sort of contact with him?
If you believe that someone’s presence in your life is detrimentally harming your well-being or your capacity to achieve your long-term goals, it’s probably a smart idea to cut them off. You have the right to end your relationship with this man if you think that he is disregarding your feelings, telling you lies or attempting to avoid being honest with you, or just generally not looking out for your interests.
Having said that, it might not be essential to completely cut ties if he’s a decent person who treats you well and just so happens to be single at the moment. Just because someone doesn’t want to date you doesn’t mean you have to break things up. It all relies on your comfort level, how much you enjoy their company, and how spending time with them affects your ability to locate what you’re looking for elsewhere.
While still looking for a long-term relationship, some people like having a casual date or friend with benefits (or even simply someone to hang out with). Others choose to date people only if they believe there is a future together. Ask yourself the following questions
- Even while I am aware that a serious relationship with this individual is probably not in the cards for us, am I still able to enjoy my time with them? Can I appreciate our relationship in its current state?
- Is it possible for me to fall in love with this person and have such strong feelings for them that I would end up wanting more from them and risking being hurt? Am I all right with that? Or would it be preferable if I just avoided the discomfort?
- Is it possible for me to hang out with this person and try out new relationships at the same time? Or would something like that just confuse and annoy me?
- Will it be more difficult for me to find the committed relationship I eventually desire if I keep hanging out with this guy?
- I want to be sure I’m not assuming anything, have we had a dialogue about what he wants from our connection?
How can one move forward?
Only you can decide whether your current situation is ideal for you or if all you want is a committed relationship. If you’ve told your partner this, and the two of you are still at odds then it’s time to go for other options. If you are aware that your relationship is going nowhere, it may be helpful to get advice from a qualified mental health professional if you are having trouble accepting this and moving forward.
Other approaches include imagining yourself in the other person’s position: Would this relationship still be appealing to you if you weren’t ready to fully commit to another person from this perspective? Finally, this circumstance might instead be a chance to practice self-compassion. If you stay too long, you can start to wonder what you’re getting out of the relationship.
Friendzoned relationships might be annoying, but the reality is that there isn’t anything you can do to make things better. No matter how hard you try, you can’t make someone like you romantically if they don’t want to.
It’s best to just move on since you might not be able to persuade him to alter his mind down the road. You will need to gather the courage and just say these exact words to him: “Are you willing to commit to a long-term relationship with me? That piques my interest. So, what do you think about it?”
Then listen to what he says. Be honest about what a relationship means to you, what type of future you want with a long-term partner, and whether you’re happy hanging out with a guy who doesn’t share your values.
Yes, some vulnerability is required. But keep in mind that if someone truly likes you and wants to be with you, asking this question will not scare them away. Do keep in mind that you can only manage your thoughts and behaviors; you cannot make someone fall in love with you. Ask yourself why you desire someone who doesn’t exhibit any romantic interest in you if you feel like you can’t move on.