My Wife Loves Me But Doesn’t Desire Me

Relationships are supposed to be the pillars of support, love, and desire. There are a lot of times when things can go wrong in some sense and you might be able to detect why or how it happened. The problem a lot of men have facing recently is the lack of desires from their wives’ side. We keep hearing complaints like my wife never touches me and my wife says she loves me doesn’t show it.

These things can deeply hurt a person in the relationship and one would be obviously curious about why things have taken such a sour turn. This is why we have made this guide. In order to find out the reason behind a marriage going haywire, we have curated this guide to help you get answers to questions like what does it mean when your wife doesn’t show affection and what to do when your wife won’t sleep with you, etc.

Desire and Love

In a relationship, it is important for love to be there for it to go smoothly. Without love, there can be a lot of complications. The thing about love is that more than often, love alone can also not win you any wars. In order to have a smooth relationship, there are various other factors that come into play as well. The element of love is often accompanied by a desire for your partner but when this desire vanishes, things might take a turn for the worst.

Desire isn’t the only important thing in a relationship but it is one of the very important ones. Having someone tell you that they want you and that your physical presence is something they crave can be a huge boost for self-esteem which in turn can make the relationship stronger.

Recently there have been several people complaining about the lack of desire in their relationship. They say they love their partners and vice versa but it doesn’t feel like it because there is no sign of physical affection. Men say I just want my wife to want me and it shows that they are pretty vulnerable as being wanted and loved is something that all of us desire.

Read on below to get some answers about the why and the what to do.

What Does It Mean When Your Wife Doesn’t Show Affection?

1. Pregnancy or Hormonal

Pregnancy is a huge deal for new mothers. Their whole life takes a turn and there are tons and tons of physical changes that their bodies are going through in such a time. If your wife has recently given birth or if she is about to give birth and is pregnant then there might be a lot of times when she wouldn’t want to engage with you sexually.

This doesn’t indicate that she doesn’t love you or that she doesn’t find you attractive. It is something that she is going through on her own and needs time to come out of it at her own pace. Not only the body but the mind is also exhausted at this time and they need some time to regroup and get back to functioning at the old pace.

With pregnancy and post-birth, there is not just one element but tons of other factors that could be the reason behind your wife not wanting to have sex with you. Some of them are:

  1. Exhaustion
  2. Hormones
  3. Postpartum Depression
  4. Body Changes

All of these are some of the very major elements that might come into play and take a toll on your sex life and your wife’s desire towards you. Having a new baby in the house means a ton of responsibilities for the new mother. She has to deal with a thousand different things throughout the day. If after all of that, your wife just wants to go to sleep then let her.

Hormones are also sometimes imbalanced during this period and because of this, she might just not be in the mood for sexual activity. This doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love you. Know that it is something that she will need some time to work on.

Giving birth is a strenuous task and moms go through a load of emotional and physical strain. This emotional strain might affect their debt which will result in postpartum depression. With mood swings, difficulty bonding with the baby, loss of appetite, there is also the loss of desire. It can take a while for new moms to get out of this phase. Until then, we suggest you stay by her side and be patient and supportive.

The body also changes during pregnancy and after giving birth. Women often tend to get really insecure and sensitive about their bodies and, might avoid trying to have sex. If your wife asks you to close the lights while having sex or just doesnt show you her body as comfortably as she used to when she might be nervous and insecure about the changes because of pregnancy.

2. She Doesn’t Love You

This can be a pretty big jump but in some cases, it is the truth. When a woman falls out of love or finds someone else she loves more, she might try to avoid having sex with you. This is their nature as they wouldn’t want to engage in something so intimate with someone they do not love.

Love plays a huge factor in the sexual equations for women and unlike men, the majority of them are not really into the whole idea of hooking up just for the sake of it. Sexual intimacy comes with some sort of connection for women so if you’ve lost your connection then she might be in love with someone else.

3. Other Issues

A lot of times men complain about the lack of interest from the wives and say that my wife never touches me anymore and so, etc. the reason behind this can go very deep as well. If there have been any major issues or hurdles in your relationship, you might want to take a minute out to evaluate where you are.

Unresolved issues are the main reason why women tend to be wary about having sex. If there is any kind of hurdle or obstacle in their minds they are bound to step away from you and distance themselves a little. Proper communication about past issues and current thoughts can help you figure out what it is that’s bothering her and how to ease her out of it by solving the problem for her.

4. Same Old Routine

Get out of the same old routine! If your relationship has been going on the same track for a long amount of time then there are a lot of chances of things getting boring and dull. Marriage is a lot of work when both of you are working. She will have the responsibility of the kids and of other duties in the house. With all this going on, the desire levels are bound to go down.

Just like one tires constantly in relationships to keep them fun and interesting, one should also try to make efforts in marriages. Try to give your wife something to be excited about. Create some levels of fun and excitement into relationships. This will not only create some spark in your marriage but will also show her that you are trying for both of you. This might be one reason why my wife says she loves me but doesn’t show it. She can love you and yet still be bored.

5. You’re Not Pampering Her Enough

This is a major drawback for women. They want to feel like they are being treated like royalty. If she feels like there is not enough appreciation or love from your side, she might get distant from you as well. After all, this is the love of your life.

Her desire for you depends on how good she is feeling. Naturally, anyone who is appreciated and pampered automatically feels good and you might be rewarded for it in the form of higher levels of desire for you. Make small gestures of kindness and love for her. This will show her that you appreciate her and value her. This appreciation from your end can go a long way and help her feel more connected and intimate with you.

6. Not Just Sex

A huge turn off for women is when men approach them just for sex. This might not be entirely true for singles who are looking to hook up but will definitely be true in the case of your spouse. If the only reason why you are touching your wife is for the sake of sex then she might be even more turned off at the idea of touching you.

Intimacy doesn’t just come from sexual activity. A lot of old couples who aren’t as sexually active tend to be more intimately connected with each other because of the fact that they are so deeply connected with each other. Touching and loving her without expecting sex in return can show her how important she is for you as a partner. This importance, value, and appreciation, when showered upon her, are going to make her more connected with you and in turn, also increase her desire for you physically.

7. Change In Sexual Orientation

Lately, there might be a change in how much your wife desires you because of her sexual orientation. A lot of people go well into their adulthood and then find out what sexual orientation they belong to. If your wife was straight all her life, maybe she just discovered that she isn’t anymore.

This sort of thing can be really confusing for her and coming out to loved ones is never easy. One is found to be afraid of how everyone around them is going to perceive them. For those who are asking what does it mean when your wife doesn’t show affection, this might be one answer. When your sexual orientation changes you don’t stop loving them, just the element of desire goes away. If she says she loves you but still doesnt want to have sex with you then you might want to sit and have a conversation with her.

What To Do When Your Wife Won’t Sleep With You?

1. Communicate

This should be a no brainer. If you are on the internet right now looking for solutions as to how to solve this problem then it means you genuinely want a solution. The easiest way to go forward with this dilemma is to communicate with your wife. Sit her down and make sure that you aren’t exerting any blame or force on her. Simply try to put your point across the table how the lack of desire on her part is hurting your sentiments. Let her communicate what has led her to this decision to be distant from and then to go on from there.

Without communication, it can be very difficult to find a solution to figure out. In order for the marriage and for the bond to stay strong, it is important that there must be open and honest communication between the two of you. Let her know that she can voice out her concerns as well.

2. Work On Yourself

Physical attraction will always play some part in how much a person desires you. Of course, love is always going to be there but if you are physically unkempt then your wife might be agitated and annoyed. A lot of times she won’t voice out this opinion so as to not ruin a  good thing or hurt your feelings. Hence, it is something that you should be thoughtful of on your own self.

Keep yourself neat and elan. That is the most basic thing you can do. Dressing up once in a while and staying clean will always make you approachable to your partner. Just as you would dress up for your girlfriend or lover, try to keep that up for your wife as well.

This shouldn’t just be restricted to physical aspects but to you as a human too. If women feel like they are not comfortable with some traits they van get closed off and keep it in as a grudge. Evaluate yourself honestly and think of anything that you might be doing which would bug her. The idea isn’t to completely change yourself to please someone else but to make sure that you are not getting on their nerves with silly things.

3. Intimate Touch

As mentioned above, sometimes relationships tend to rely too much on sex to make up for intimacy and connection. The truth is that a lot of times deep intimacy can be achieved easily throughout the daywithout sex. Being loving and physically affectionate towards your wife can go a long way in making her feel; wanted and appreciated.

Try to show her that you want to be intimate with her without wanting sex at the end of it.  It is suggested by experts to work on your type of touch and change it. In easier words, you should be touching her with love just because you want to show your love. Try to hug her for longer or kiss her while you are doing your chores. Moreover, you can also arrange romantic dinners for the two of you and make it romantic. All of this will show your wife that her presence is valued.

4. Conversations About What She Likes

This is a really important one. Talking to your partner about their likes and dislikes in bed is of the utmost importance. It shows that you want to trust their boundaries and work on things that they are comfortable with while also trying to explore new things to keep it fun.

If there is something you’re doing which she doesnt like, it might put her off sex. Ask her what she likes or is there anything lacking from your end. Let her that you are open to suggestions to try something if that’s what she wants. The entire point of sexual activity is to please your partner and get something out of it as well. If it’s just her doing all the work and not getting anything out of it then she is bound to be wary of more of such sessions.

An open conversation with just the two of you trying to figure what each like can go a long way and might even surprise you. Don’t take anything said in the conversation personally and see where it takes you.

5. Get House Help

Exhaustion is one of the main reasons why wives tend to avoid being intimate with their husbands. After a long day of working around the house, cooking, cleaning, and looking after the children, it is totally understandable if by the end of the day your wife wants to do is get into bed and doze off.

When she is tired, she might either not participate at all or be in it half-heartedly and both are equally bad. So, to find a solution to the issue of exhaustion you can get house help. With someone else around the house lending her a hand, the burden on her shoulds will be lessened and she might get some time in between the day to take a nap and rest a little. When you do come back in the picture after work, she will be glad to see you and be more energized.

If house help is something you cannot afford, then you can help her around the house as well. Simply waking up in the morning and getting her breakfast in bed, or making the bed after yourself counts. Doing the dishes or taking turns cooking can help her a lot. This not only lessens the pressure of work for her but also gives you a chance to show her how much you love her and appreciate whatever she does around the house.

6. Bring Back The Fun

Men keep complaining that my wife never touches me anymore but what they fail to understand is that there is always one thing o another at the core that led to her being distant. When relationships get it old and partners get into a routine with each other, things might start to get monotonous and the same. This routine when provides stability and is good for you, sometimes it can be bad because it might make things dull.

Try to spark up the relationship. Do this by putting some extra effort into your relationship to make it fresh. Arrange a date night for your wife and shower her with love. You can also order in her favorite food if that’s what she’s more comfortable with. Simply surprising her with flowers can help as well. You don’t necessarily have to spend a lot to make this work. Leaving her a note with an I love you can make her day too.

7. Professional Help

We know that sometimes it can be very hard to look for answers yourself. Communicating doesnt work and you don’t know where to go on from there. If you think having a mediator between you would help then try to look for therapy. Men say my wife says she loves me but doesn’t show it but they don’t know how to find a solution for it.

In such times you might want to talk to your partner about getting professional help together. These professionals are trained to help you navigate through your relationship issues and can surely help you find out the problem and get a middle ground to work on. Try a couple’s therapy and see where it leads you with your partner.

Before going to couples therapy, keep in mind that it is important for both people to be on board with the idea if they want it to work. The entire process of therapies is that you go and talk to someone else about your issues. If either of you is not open to talking about it then you might not get anything out of the therapy sessions.


There can be a bunch of reasons why your wife tells you that she loves you but isn’t very physically affectionate with you. The only solution to this is to sit and talk it out. Try to figures what it is that’s bothering her and then move on ahead from there.

Something it can be things that are out of control such as your sexual orientation or another man in the picture. In such cases, know that this just wasn’t meant for you, and being in a marriage half-heartedly won’t do any good to either of you.