Relationships always have some element of uncertainty in them. There might be times when you would love someone as much as you can and then after some passage of time, that love can go away. There is nothing wrong with telling someone that you don’t love them anymore.
Think of it this way, when you are telling your true feelings to someone, you are saving them the trouble of wasting their time and efforts in a relationship where the love is not reciprocated. We would not want to be with someone who doesn’t love and we’re pretty sure your partner would not want that either. You should how to break up in a friendly manner. Do them a favor and don’t stretch the relationship anymore.
This might feel like something easier said than done. We know it can be very hard to drop that bomb on someone but there always subtle and gentle ways to go ahead with it. Down below we have answers to questions like how to tell someone you don’t want to be in a relationship anymore, should you break up if you’re not in love, etc.
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How To Tell Someone You Don’t Want To Be In A Relationship Anymore
We know how dating someone you don’t love leaves you in a bundle of negative emotions. You might even burst out at them for tiny things or just not pay enough attention to them. All this shows how staying in a relationship where you don’t want to will leave both parties in a state of distress. Down below we have a step-by-step guide for you to learn how to tell him you can’t do it anymore.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
The first step in this process is to acknowledge your feelings. You need to convince yourself first before you can go and tell someone else how you feel. It can be very confusing to get a hold of things. Take some time for yourself and sit with the thought. If you think it is something that you are not in it for the long run then you might want to take some steps for it.
Know that it can be difficult but staying in a relationship that has been abusive, or dead is unfair to both of you. Don’t talk yourself out of doing it just because it’s difficult. Staying in a dead relationship can damage your mental health.
2. Kick Down The Guilt
During the process when you acknowledge this decision. You will be hit with feelings of guilt, this guilt will not just come from within but from people, you know as well. They might let you think that you are doing wrong to someone but that is not true. You will be doping wrong to them if you choose to keep your feelings hidden and making a fool out of them.
The guilt will make you feel bad and will make you question your decision to end it. Stay true to your purpose and don’t hate yourself for doing this. It is the better decision for both of you.
3. Don’t Do It Over Text
People who break up over text after spending a huge amount of time together are the most cowardly ever. You know it is hard for you to tell them that you don’t love them anymore. Imagine how hard it must be for them to have this new spring on them. It will be even more insensitive and rude if you do it over text. Breaking up through text might ease the element of anxiety for you but will make them even more miserable due to the lack of closure.
Not doing it over text is an important step in how to tell him you can’t do it anymore. This act shows that you do not even care to end things gently and civilly. If you want to break up in a friendly way then we stress upon the idea to never, never break up with someone through a text message.
4. Pick a Place
We know that it is going to be a serious conversation that might even turn sad and stressful at a point. You will need to pick a place where you can talk to them. Make sure that you don’t spring the news on them in a family event, a birthday party, or even at a sophisticated dinner place. In such a time, their other person should be given the space to cry or vent out if they feel like it. You may have come to terms with the fact that you’re breaking up since you’ve had time to stomach it in but it is going to be completely new for them.
Doing it in front of people and forcing them to stomach it in will be mean. Give them the space to talk to you about it. The timing is also important. Don’t do it on their birthday, or Valentine’s day, or even Christmas. These are some of the happiest days of the year for people. Telling them you don’t love them anymore on such dates I’ll just make the events bitter and sad for them.
5. Initiate Positively
Start the conversation on a positive note. Let them know that the way things have turned out wasn’t because of their fault. Be honest with them. Stress on how much you enjoyed spending time with them. Let them know that this relationship wasn’t a mistake for you.
All of us have been in bitter moments like this one time or another in our life. Maybe not with a romantic partner but with a friend or a family member. We know how we go back home and think over and over. Make sure that whatever you say in this conversation doesn’t hurt them. They are bound to think it over once you’re gone.
6. State your Points
For those who are asking “should you break up if you’re not in love” the answer is yes. When you have decided you can’t be with someone you must have some points for your argument, after you have initiated the conversation, bring your differences to the table., let them know that you have been unhappy or discontent with how it has been going on. Tell them what it is that made you come to the decision but don’t blame them.
Sometimes you might not even have something that annoys or irritates you, you just don’t love them anymore. And this is a good enough reason to end things. We know how difficult it will be for them to take it in and by blaming them you might just make the situation worse. Don’t blame them but don’t blame yourself either.
7. Don’t Let Them Convince You
You know how long it took you to come to this decision. You also know that it was extremely hard for you to do this yet you’re still doing it. There were certain points and things that led you to this decision. You came to do this with a sound mind and there were no impulses involved.
Since it will be a moment of weakness for them they will do their best to convince you to stay. They might make promises to change things or work on it but if you think you’re done then do not let them talk you into getting back together. Kindly but firmly let them know that this is your final decision and is better for both of you.
8. Don’t Dangle Them
This is an important one to ensure that you are free from any future interactions regarding the relationship. In a moment of sadness and weakness, you might feel tempted to tell your partner that sometime in the future you can be ready to work on it. If you do not feel it then you should never dangle them in the air just because it’ll be a soft blow.
Giving them false hopes about the future will just leave them in a cloud of uncertainty. They might hang on to the hope that you will come back. This is a cruel thing to do if you do not plan on going back to them. IF you do give them false hopes then be ready for weeks of texts and calls from them to work on it. This will just make more hurdles in your path to move on peacefully.
9. Don’t Be Petty
Relationships and breakups are already hard, don’t complicate them any further. Petty things like asking for stuff back or bringing up other irrelevant things in the heat of the moment is just going to make it even more difficult for both of you. Refrain from bringing up any past mishaps just to rub it in their face. If they are getting angry or venting, let them. It is a shock for them. Remove yourself from the situation and give them some space.
10. No Friends Deal
Lastly, don’t give them the suggestion of staying friends. It might seem like something that will soften the blow but that is not the case. It takes a while for everyone to stomach the news that has been given to them. Give them the time and the space to move on before you think about bringing friendship up.
If you suggest friendship then you are letting them know that you can stay in contact. This contact might leave them thinking that you could be open to a relationship at some point. It will even make it harder for them to move on since you will be a constant reminder to them.
Sometimes staying friends after a relationship ends can make them bitter over time. They are constantly reminded of what they lost and it might mess things up. Further on, if you plan on entering into another relationship, the interruption and the presence of an ex-lover in your life will complicate things with a new person.
Dating someone you don’t love is confusing and pointless. The decision to end things might leave you hurt and guilty but don’t let it get to you. These feelings might be overwhelming but have trust in yourself and know that what you are doing is good for both of you in the long run. Self-loathing is not a road you wanna embark upon. Know that life has a lot to offer and one should always learn from their experiences.