Abuse in relationships are of many different kinds, one of which is emotional abuse. It is considered as the most sophisticated among all other abuses. The abuser will play mind games with the victim and make them do whatever they want. Follow this article to learn about the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship and how to help someone in an emotionally abusive relationship.
As a viewer you might be able to see many signs of emotional abuse in a relationship such as manipulation and gaslighting. But when you are in an emotionally abusive relationship then, these signs may be subtle for you to notice at first. Emotional abuse starts from isolation, the abuser will isolate you and make you cut off ties with your friends and family. This is a subtle sign because they will tell you how they cannot share you with anyone and how they want you all by yourself. This way they will isolate you and you won’t be able to share anything with your family or friends.
Emotional abuse doesn’t involve physical violence because the abuser will deal with the victim calmly and manipulate them. But when you confront them about their intentions and threaten to leave them then, they would use your loved ones. They will threaten you with their names and threaten you with violence directed towards them. This way you won’t be able to get out of the relationship.
Follow this article to learn more about the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship and how to help someone in an emotionally abusive relationship.
Table of Contents
What are the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship?
The signs of emotional abuse are too subtle, you may not be able to notice them at first. It is because the abuser manipulates you in such a way that everything about your relationship seems okay to you, you deny it if anyone tries to reason with you. Although the signs that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship are hard to notice at first but that doesn’t mean they are not present. Following are some signs of an emotionally abusive relationship.
- Controlling behavior
- Shifting blame
- Manipulations
- Joking about your insecurity
- Emotional distancing
- Dismissing your thoughts
- Monitoring your every move
- Isolation
- Volatility
Controlling behavior:
An abuser will try to dominate you, he/she will control your behavior in a way that you won’t think anything is wrong. Whatever you wear and whatever you eat is going to be decided by them. You won’t have any say in it. If you try to share your opinion with them then, they will dismiss your thoughts and they will make you feel like you don’t know anything. This will give the abuser a pleasure and satisfaction, they will feel powerful when they get to control their victim’s lives.
Shifting blame:
No matter what happens, an abuser will always blame you. It will be very convenient for them to shift blame of everything onto you. And they will do it in a way so you will also believe them. They will make you think that no matter what happens, you are always wrong and you cannot do anything wrong.
Manipulations:
A major sign of an emotionally abusive relationship is manipulation. An abuser will always manipulate you into thinking that everything they do is for the betterment of your relationship. They will manipulate you into thinking that you must listen to them and do as they say because they can never be wrong.
Joking about your insecurity:
Another sign that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship is that your partner always jokes about your insecurities. They will humiliate you in front of everyone, they will get joy out of your misery. You will feel embarrassed and hurt but not even once they will take your feelings into account.
Emotional distancing:
You will find no emotional connection with your partner. Especially if they are angry with you then, they will give you the silent treatment. This will give them pleasure, seeing you miserable will make them happy. This will make you think that they are the only ones who care about you and if they are not talking to you then, no one else will.
Dismissing your thoughts:
Whenever you try to share your thoughts and opinions with your partner, they will always dismiss them. This will lead to insecurities and feelings of worthlessness. A relationship is supposed to bring you up but when you are in an emotionally abusive relationship then, you will feel low about yourself and you will start to have feelings of self pity.
Monitoring your every move:
Your abuser will dominate every aspect of your life. They will monitor your every move, they will manipulate you into thinking that if you don’t inform them about your routine and your whereabouts then, it’s going to be bad for your relationship. Where you are, who you are with, and what you are doing right now, they demand to know everything.
Isolation:
Isolation is one of the major signs of being in an emotionally abusive relationship. An abuser will make you cut off contact with your family and friends, they will manipulate you into thinking that everyone is against your relationship with them and he/she is the only person who truly loves you. They will try to limit your contact with the outside world and whenever you want to go out somewhere, they will always tag along.
Volatility:
Volatility means being in a relationship with someone who faces a lot of mood swings. Every relationship faces ups and downs, partners have an argument and they try to work things out. But being in a relationship with someone with whom you have no idea how they are going to react is a completely different story. A volatile abuser will shower you with gifts and take you out whenever they have an outburst.
How to help someone in an emotionally abusive relationship?
It is not easy helping a person who is living in an emotionally abusive relationship. You have to be patient with them, because they will never acknowledge their relationship as an abuse. It is because their minds have been manipulated that way. But as a true and supportive friend you must follow these tips on how to help someone in an emotionally abusive relationship.
- Recognize they might not accept that they are being abused
- Help them get financially strong
- Help them connect with an expert
- Help them with a safety plan
- Be sure to stay quiet and subtle
- Reassure them that you trust them
- Don’t let them feel guilty
- Make them realize the importance of self care
- Allow them to make their own decisions
- Help them connect with their family and other friends
- Never judge them
- Educate yourself
Recognize they might not accept that they are being abused:
One of the major signs of emotional abuse is manipulation and gaslighting. So, you must understand that when you try to bring up this topic, their most likely reaction is going to be denial. They will never accept that they are being abused whatsoever. You must start the conversation on a positive note and then, once they are comfortable with you only then you can talk to them about something so serious.
Help them get financially strong:
Their abuser will isolate them and make the victim dependent on them, you have to first make them realize the importance of being financially independent. As a true and supportive friend, you should help them get financially strong, this will help them fight their insecurities and make them strong.
Help them connect with an expert:
The best thing you can do to help someone get out of an emotionally abusive relationship is to make them connect with an expert. This will help them fight against every negative feeling that is inside them. Getting in touch with a professional therapist can be extremely beneficial for their emotional and mental health. This will also help them get out of denial and they will finally accept their reality.
Help them with a safety plan:
It is not easy getting out of a relationship where your partner controls your every move. If you want to help someone get out of an emotionally abusive relationship then, you must devise a safety plan. You have to pre-plan everything in advance and also devise a plan B in case the abuser catches up with your plan A. you must be very careful because if the abuser catches you and the victim then, he might do something destructive to you both.
Be sure to stay quiet and subtle:
You need to be very careful with your plans because the minute an abuser gets a hint about it, it can be extremely dangerous for you and the victim. You must stay quiet and subtle with your meetings, never let them know the real reason behind your meetings and always go through your back story before you say something. An abuser is extremely observant, so if they get the slightest hint that something is off then, they will try to manipulate the victim or might threaten them.
Reassure them that you trust them:
The victim will doubt themselves, they will feel low and blame themselves if anything goes wrong. So, you must reassure them again and again that nothing is their fault. Make them see their potential. Make them see the best in themselves and have faith in them. They will make slow progress and you have to encourage them at every step like a true and supportive friend.
Don’t let them feel guilty:
Time and again, they might feel guilty about their situation and how they are dragging you in it. You have to make them understand that nothing is their fault. You have to understand their situation emotionally and mentally, they are not coming from a normal and healthy relationship. Their mind has been manipulated in a way that they think everything is their fault. So, you have to support them and help them realize that nothing is their fault and they should not feel guilty about anything.
Make them realize the importance of self care:
Motivate them to take care of themselves. Encourage them whenever they share anything with you. They have spent a significant amount of time being isolated so it will take a lot of time for them to open up to you. With your support and motivation, they will realize the importance of self care and how they should strive to make themself happy.
Allow them to make their own decisions:
You must understand that they have spent a significant amount of time in a relationship with someone who has imposed his/her decisions on them. They have controlled every aspect of their life. So, when finally they are opening up to you then, you must give them space and encourage them. Let them make their own decisions and motivate them. You can start slow like, taking them out for lunch and having them decide what you are going to eat. This will be the first step towards a supportive and caring friendship.
Help them connect with their family and other friends:
The abuser must have made them cut off every contact with their family and friends. So, the best thing you can do for them is to help them connect with their family and friends. This will bring back so many good memories for them and this will also give them a reason to fight for. They will realize what they have been missing and how their abuser used their trust for all the wrong reasons. Their family will also help them get out of an emotionally abusive relationship.
Never judge them:
Never be judgemental towards their life choices. They already have so many insecurities that they have to fight, you adding another problem or flaw is not going to help them. You must understand that life is different for everyone, they are in a relationship that took everything away from them and they were left alone and isolated. So, think twice before you say something to them that might retract them back into their shell.
Educate yourself:
The best thing you can do before taking any initiative is to do some research about this topic. Read about experiences of other people, read about the signs, and the consequences. Get help from a professional before you take any step. If you do something wrong then, this might cause them to shut themselves away more. You must educate yourself regarding emotional abuse before you decide to help someone.
Conclusion:
Helping someone get out of an emotionally abusive relationship is easier said than done. You have to be careful about a lot of things. First and foremost, you have to make the victim realize that they are being abused. Someone who is being emotionally abused will be manipulated into thinking that their relationship is healthy and strong. They are forced to believe that nothing is unusual with the way he/she treats them. So, you have to make them come out of denial, you have to help them realize that they are being abused and they must get out of it.
Helping someone in an emotionally abusive relationship means that you are making them trust you, they have already faced a brutal punishment for trusting someone so you need to be extra careful with them. Take one step at a time and encourage them whenever they share any thought with you. Be a good listener for them and let them make their own decisions. This will help in bringing back their confidence and soon they will start getting comfortable with you. Helping someone get out of an emotionally abusive relationship is a long road, you need to be cautious and patient with the victim.
