Everyone talks about how fun and exhilarating it is to be in love with some and the entire concept of being in a relationship is something that a majority of us find attractive. What no one talks about is how hard it can be to move on after breakups and how to cope with a breakup you don’t want.
The process of getting over a long term relationship can be quite difficult and might leave you down in the ground for the first few days. What’s important is to realize that all of us have to move on from this phase and progress ahead in our lives. This is easier than done, we know, but we also know that being stuck in the same place, wallowing, and not letting yourself heal can be even more horrifying for your body and your soul.
This is why we have curated this piece for you to help you in the journey of recovering from a long term relationship breakup. Read on to get some tips.
Table of Contents
Long Term Relationship Emotions
After a long term relationship ends, there are bound to be a lot of feelings both the people will be going through. A long term relationship is said to be one that goes on for more than 2 years while a relationship which has been going on for 6-7 months is a short term one.
In the case of short term relationships, partners are still new to the concept of being together and are navigating the world of commitment together. They are trying to learn each other’s needs and wants and are moving forward accordingly. While on the other hand, in a long term relationship, one that has exceeded 2 years is one where both the people are now very well acquainted with each other.
With a long term relationship, it can be even more challenging when you break up with them or the relationship comes to an end because your partner wants it to. A person can feel a ton of emotions in a very short period. Right after you break up, there is going to be dread, misery, sadness, and confusion that is going to surround you. Next up, you will also feel some denial, anger, or annoyance which can be directed at your ex.
Furthermore, there is also the guilt and self-loathing if you are one who initiated the breakup. When for some people the dominant emotion is guilt for others it can be a relief as well. Experiencing the feeling of freedom and relief is very common in some equations and all emotions are justified. To cope with the avalanche of emotions and sudden break up of a long term relationship.
How To Deal With A Break Up Of A Long Term Relationship?
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
You all must be pretty much aware of the five stages of grief. For those who are not, five stages are the five stages that a person goes through when they are in the grieving process. The five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. This is why when we are helping people in how to cope with a breakup you don’t want, we suggest that they acknowledge the breakup and their feelings. This is an important and crucial step and is necessary for all the rest of the steps to work.
When people are recently broken up, the one feeling they experience the most is that of denial. To numb the shock and the sadness of the situation, the human mind goes through a process of denial. The person finds it hard to digest that they have broken up and are in a state of denial and shock.
The first thing suggested to do is to sit with yourself and try to acknowledge whatever it is that you are feeling. Let your brain be convinced in the reality that you have broken up. Suppressing your feelings or denying them can lead to an even bigger disaster.
2. Talk It Out
If things have ended on a bad note, or if you have been dumped then there are a lot of chances of you experiencing anger and frustration. Instead of taking this anger and frustration out on innocent bystanders, try to talk it out with your ex. Sit down with them with just the purpose of trying to communicate. Do not convince them to get back together let them convince you.
Just put all your points on the table and try to figure out what it is that pushed you both to the edge. This evaluation of your relationship in a sensible manner can help you avoid any further mistakes in future relationships and this conversation will also help you get the closure you need. The closure is extremely important and not a lot of people get to have it. So, if a proper conversation can be arranged then go for it. Make sure that it is in a public place so there is no chance of outrage from either of you.
3. Space For Yourself
Once you have talked to them and cleared the air, then you need to take a step back from them. In the initial period, you might find yourself looking for excuses to somehow bump in them or meet them. Avoid all such thoughts. If needed, ask a friend to accompany you to do chores so that you don’t go to see them.
Repeatedly talking to them after the breakup or keeping in touch will make it even harder for you to move on and will constantly remind you of what you had and what you lost. Give yourself the space needed to get over them properly. Don’t ghost them as that way they will be more on your mind. Politely ask them for some time away and get out of their life.
4. Social Media Cleanse
Staying away from them physically but stalking them online will just ruin the whole recovery process for you. When we ask you to take a step back, it involves virtually as well. Seeing constant reminders of your past with them can make you sad and the reminisce can be bad for you. Furthermore, don’t stalk them and their profile. What is suggested is to wipe their existence out from your accounts. This way you won’t be intentionally or unintentionally keeping tabs on them.
Seeing your ex’s story or posts randomly pop up on your Instagram feed will keep reminding you of them and ruin the whole time that you are supposed to be taking. If they do decide to move on before you, their new partner’s pictures or stories might make you angry or devastated so it’s better to steer clear of that iceberg.
Furthermore, some people tend to post a bit too much after their breakups just to show their ex that they don’t care and that they are in a good state of mind. This can get slightly embarrassing and might make you cringe later on. So, to save yourself from future embarrassment and anger, just get rid of them virtually.
5. Stay In Touch With Your Friends
When we lose someone we love or when we are going through a dark time in our lives, we tend to push out everyone else. Getting sympathy from people, even if it’s your friends and family can be annoying but know that they only want the best for you. Do not push anyone out who is trying to help you.
When people come to us asking about ways to cope with the sudden break up of a long term relationship, the one thing we ask you is to keep yourself surrounded by your loved ones. Do not deprive them of the right to help you. Let them shower their love and support on you. Let them support you.
Sometimes you might want some time to yourself but make sure that you are not isolating yourself. Their supportive words might help you get out of it. Also, being around other people will give you a different perspective on the relationship and breakup and help you think straight.
6. Busy Yourself
This is one step that can benefit you a lot. When we are heartbroken, our first instinct is to get into bed with a tub of ice cream and a romantic comedy on the tv. Even though this might sound pleasing, it is just going to push you deeper into the pit of sadness. Try to busy yourself constructively.
You can either choose to go out with your friends or spend some time with your family. When in a relationship, we tend to get very one tracked and forget that there’s a whole world out there waiting for you. Maybe go have dinner at the restaurant you liked so much or go clubbing with your friends.
You can also work on your hobbies and use this time to polish those skills that have been rusting for the past couple of years just because you didn’t have enough time. This is also a great time to look up new hobbies or skills such as planting or reading. This way you will be channeling all that negative energy into something productive.
The entire idea behind busying yourself is to remind you that there is a lot more that life can offer to you. Finding peace in other hobbies will not only just distract you in a fun way but also take up a huge chunk of your time. When you invest your time in these things, you won’t have much left to wallow or drown in nostalgia.
7. Self Care
When we are in a relationship, we have someone else showering us with their love and attention. This is all good but the problem is that we often tend to forget to love ourselves during that.
Also, when you are going through a breakup and recovering from a long term relationship breakup you might be self-loathing as well. If you are the one dumped, this self-loathing can lead you to think of what’s missing in you or where you went wrong. But if you are the one who broke up, then you might be hating yourself for doing such a thing. This is why it is extremely important to love yourself during such a time.
Take some time out for yourself and remember to please yourself. You can get that sweet you wanted for so long and you might want to take a long warm shower and while you read in the bathtub. Self-care is just restricted to showers and eating, you might also want to take care of your skin, hair, and your body. Plan your meals and look up meditation or yoga. See what works for you. These two are known to be the best options if you are looking for ways to focus and relieve some of that stress that you’ve been carrying around.
8. Don’t Numb The Pain
There might be ties when you think you are doing good and then all of a sudden something small can trigger you and leave you sobbing. Do not take it as a sign of weakness and let yourself feel whatever’s coming to you. Recovering from a long term relationship break up isn’t easy and there are bound to be some slip-ups along the way.l embrace them, keep your head up high and try to move forward.
Some people also tend to find peace in alcohol, sleeping pills, and drugs. This is something you want to stay 10 feet away from. Do not think that the temporary high from drugs is going to provide you with any long-lasting peace or comfort. The same is the case with alcohol, it might help you forget the reality for the time being and numb your pain for you, but the next morning is going to be horrible. You will not only have a horrible hangover, but you will also feel like a wreck emotionally.
We’re not asking you to make a vow of abstinence from these things, you can always indulge in some of what once in a while but make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. You don’t want it to numb yourself or forcefully work on killing any memories.
Busying yourself in the gym is a great way to get into something productive. You are feeling a lot of things lately and all these feelings can confuse you and agitate you. Sometimes you might feel like talking to your friends but other people are allowed to have their commitments as well. If someone is busy in their own life and does not have time to give attention to you, don’t take it personally. Instead, use this time on yourself.
You don’t have to be fat or thin to workout, don’t go to the gym in the hopes that you are going to look better and win your ex back. Going to the gym and working out can release happy chemicals and help in de-stressing you. With more energy, you won’t be feeling exhausted ads often and can have a clearer idea about things. With continued workout sessions, your body will surely be going through some physical changes and these can help boost your confidence.
We had someone ask us how to get over a 5-year relationship and complained that they had trouble falling asleep. A workout is something that was suggested to them too. When one is tired out, they are guaranteed to sleep soundly.
10. Give Yourself Time
Lastly, it is important to remember that getting to learn how to cope with a breakup you don’t want can be hard. This journey might be challenging and it won’t be over in the blink of an eye. It might take you some days or sometimes even months to get over a long relationship. Don’t be too hard on yourself and take it one day at a time.
Not everything that will come your way in life will stick by your side. Some things in life come with an expiration date. Your previous relationship did as well. Keep the good memories with you and the bad ones go. Do not focus your energy on the past. Give yourself space and the time to be able to move on ahead with your life.
The sudden breakup of a long-term relationship can leave you sad and miserable but it is your job to dust yourself off and get up from the ground. There is more that life has to offer and this breakup might feel like the end of the world but it is not. Keep your head held high and try to move on forward with your life without being bitter or angry about the past.