10 Reasons Why Soccer Kicks The Ass Of Other American Sports

Americans love sport but don't seem to have adapted to Soccer. Here are ten reasons why they should give it a go.

The USA has a number of sports that feature prominently in the culture of the average American sports fan. But guess what? None of those sports are anywhere near as good as soccer. Don’t believe me? Then read on to find out just why Soccer kicks ass.

10 – Soccer Has A Global Audience



Lets be honest. Who really watches the World Series Baseball or The Super Bowl?

I’ll tell you who – Americans! Over 100 million watched the last Super Bowl in the US. Impressive until you consider that it was beamed to 198 countries and the estimated total viewing audience was only 160 million.

Hardly any other country give a damn who wins any American sports events. In terms of a global sporting event they are so Mickey Mouse that they should be played at Disneyland.

Now – let’s compare that to Soccer. The FA Cup Final in the UK is beamed live to over 70 countries worldwide and has had viewing audiences of over 1/2 billion. I won’t bother mentioning the World Cup Final which attracts a worldwide audience in excess of 700 million!

9 – Soccer Is For Every Age



As soon as you can walk you can play soccer. It is a natural instinct in a toddler to kick a ball. Hand on heart tell me when you last saw a toddler pick up a ball and shoot a few hoops, grab a baseball bat and smash a home run or launch a Hail Mary downtown to his buddy in the next block.

Give a kid a ball and he will kick it and run after it – you almost don’t even need to teach him the rules. It is known as the beautiful game – simple but brilliant.

Check out Bryce Bites from Belgium – the kid has just signed a professional soccer contract with FC Racing Boxberg at the age of 20 months.

8 – The World Cup Is For The World



You guys have something called the World Series which is contested by………….American teams. Man – how stupid can you be – did you not realize that in order for a trophy to be classified as a ‘World’ cup then it could do with a few more countries participating?

Let’s show you how to do it by looking at the REAL World Cup in Soccer. The World Cup in 2014 started out in 2011 with 203 countries entered into the tournament. It took over 2 years to play all 820 qualifying matches before determining the final 32 countries that would compete in Brazil at the finals. Guess what – even the USA got an invite and they qualified too!

7 – Soccer Is For Entertainment Not Adverts

Super Bowl Ads


Have you ever tried to watch an American Football game live. Man – you need to take the day off work to find the time to do it. The game is only meant to last an hour but the clock is stopped so frequently that you could be a year older by the time you get back home. On average it takes 4 hours to watch 60 minutes of action – what a waste of time. You spend more time watching adverts on the big screens than you do watching any action.

What is it with you guys and timeouts every few minutes? Why do you have to have a meeting to discuss what to do every time there is a play? Don’t the coaches teach the players this kind of shit during the training sessions? Whatever happened to a little bit of individuality being displayed?

In soccer you start the match and then play for 45 minutes until half time with stoppages only occurring for injuries. Then the players go off the pitch for 15 minutes to sort out what needs to be done for the 2nd half and then they are back out to play. The game last 90 minutes in total and is all over in less than 2 hours. If it is going wrong then you have to sort it out during the game – there is no need to sit round in a huddle bigging each other up.

6 – Soccer Is Cheap To Play

Street Football


To play Basketball you need a ball and a hoop. Not bad at all.

To play Baseball you need a ball, a bat,a spare playing field and a few mates. More difficult.

To play American Football you need a helmet, a padded suit, a set of goals, a defensive team, an offensive team, a specialist kicker and a damn good stopwatch. Virtually impossible.

To play soccer you need a ball. That’s it. If you want to really splash out then throw your sweater and T-shirt on the floor next to a wall to designate some goals. Now kick the ball off the wall and practice your skills. Job Done

5 – Soccer Gets You Fit

The Fridge


American Football has more chance of getting you fat than fit. I bet most players burn more calories getting their kit on than actually playing the game. You even had a player called The Fridge – tell me another sport where a bloke with that physique could be considered a professional athlete.

The players can’t even cope with being involved in the game at all times – you have a defence and an offence and then even funnier you have a guy come on just to kick the ball. What is so hard about doing that – couldn’t some other guy work out how to use his foot and kick the damn thing?

Hilarious – you pay a guy millions just to walk on and kick a ball once every 20 minutes. I am in the wrong job!

In soccer you have to play for 90 minutes both defence and offence. The only time you will get a breather is if the coach thinks you are playing shit and then he takes you off. The clock doesn’t stop every few seconds either so you actually have to keep on running around until half time. No sneaking off to high five your mates every two minutes whilst casting an eye over the cheerleaders.

4 – Soccer Is Social



Jump on a plane and head to anywhere outside of the USA. Take a walk through the Vatican City in Rome, take in the hustle and bustle of the Ramblas in Barcelona, sip a cool drink on Copacabana Beach or ride the Bullet train through Tokyo.

What have all of these places got in common? Very little apart from one thing I guarantee to you. You will find somebody who will be happy to sit down and talk soccer to you. Next time you are on your travels – do it and then tell me that I am wrong.

Try doing that with American sports – If you dare!

3 – Soccer Makes Dreams



The NFL consists of 32 teams.

The MLB consists of 30 teams

The NBA consists of 30 teams

Why the exclusivity guys? You have a huge country and so few teams. Where is the opportunity for local kids to go and watch these multi millionaires? I know what you are thinking – it’s on TV. Well TV viewing is for popcorn munching obese kids – get them to the stadium to watch their heroes. That is how you make them dream.

The English Football(Soccer) League consists of 92 teams

As a kid growing up you want to dream that you will make it as a pro. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t but you can at least dream. If that doesn’t work out then you can still support your local team and dream that one day they will win some silverware. The league structure makes it possible for that to happen, the cup competitions make giant killing acts a distinct possibility. Soccer makes dreams come true.

Don’t believe in dreams? Then watch this and change your mind.

2 – Even Americans Can Play Soccer!

US Soccer Fans


It is true. The USA have slowly started to make an impression on World Football. Too slowly for my liking though. You hosted the World Cup 20 years ago in 1994 and only now are you starting to make progress with the MLS.

Don’t make the mistake you made with other sports – you still only have 19 teams in the MLS. For the size of country that should be quadrupled otherwise you make it exclusive. Soccer isn’t an exclusive sport – it is for everyone so don’t you dare try to Americanise it. You have been warned ;-)

1 – It Is Not Fu**in Soccer! It’s Football

England v USA


It is NOT soccer – it is Football.

No need to say any more!